Showing posts with label teddy bears. Show all posts
Showing posts with label teddy bears. Show all posts

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

iBLOG: Bea In Your Bonnet


Right.... so.... I started this series of guest posts where other bloggers tell us why exactly they started blogging. What made them decide to just put it all out there/here? Did they start with an intention? Was it a cathartic release for something? Did they have a story to tell? Was it out of frustration? Did their blog have a purpose? A theme? Did they want to teach the world something? .... or was it a whim? These guests posts are their stories, and I am more than happy to share them with you. There are no "rules" to follow (screw rules!), just their own individual interpretation of the question "Why do I blog?" Hence the series being named "iBLOG"...

(man, Bill Gates is gonna be PISSED he didn't think of this one first! ;p )

If you're interested in joining in on this I'd LOVE (like really & truly) to have you send me a guest post to put up here. My email is right over there >> on the right hand side of the blog (but, for the laziest of lazy, it's MsGoofyGirl2U@gmail.com- unlike many others I'm not afraid to put it up in fear of spammers sending me stuff, 'cause as you've probably noticed, I'm weird enough to enjoy the SPAM ;) ). Please, contribute!

Today you're gonna get a great one from Bea over at Orchids and Onions and you can get a glimpse into why she started her blog. I hope you not only enjoy it, and crack up like I did, but decide to peruse her blog and follow it as well. ♥

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Why I'm here


I arrived in NYC, sort of, "fresh off the boat" from No. California at the end of 2009.  My partner was offered a job in Manhattan and asked if I wanted to move out East.  Realizing that life is (sooooooo) short, I thought to myself, "oh, what the hell?" and agreed to come along.  It's one big country, but with so many differences big and small, I knew that I'd have some sort of "culture shock" adjusting to life in Manhattan.  The only problem was just how I'd cope with the shock of living somewhere entirely new. 

You know how when you've dated someone for a time, and, then you break up but remain friends?  Say you're out to dinner with that ex and, for some reason, whatever it is he's saying to you is really turning you off.  Maybe he has just gotten through praising the work of Boehner

"hehe...boner"

and his cronies in the senate for kicking women's reproductive health in the ass.  Suddenly, that person becomes ugly in front of your very eyes.  You can't possibly imagine how you ever kissed that person let alone gone down on him.  That reaction was, sort of, the reaction I had to NYC when I arrived.  All I could see was men spitting and/or pissing openly in the streets, people walking into me as I made my way down the sidewalk, bits of trash and doggie "deposits" lodged into the snow piles in front of my house, and numerous times losing my California footing on iced roads.  All the images I had grown up seeing on TV, in films, and in postcards of the Statue of Liberty, both the Empire State and Chrysler buildings, "Roc" Center at Xmas, and the lovely Central Park melted away before me.  NYC had become like an ugly ex as far as my critical Cal-eye could see, and we hadn't even properly dated yet. 

My partner, having lived here for almost a decade in the not too distant past, did not have the same reaction to Manhattan as I did.  He had friends, a job, a "mental map" of the city, and steady routine to keep him sane.  I, on the other hand, had none of those things.  Instead, I bitched, overslept, ate little, cried a lot, and, in general, was a total crab-ass for the first six months of my living here.  Writing the blog, as suggested by my bf, was an outlet for the upset I was feeling at not being able to quickly find a job, at having to pay exorbitant prices for fruits and veggies, and at not being able to easily find Terry Gross on NYC's NPR station which, incidentally, seemed to be filled with shows featuring men who droned on and on.  Oh, actually, both the blog and a therapist I had found down around Columbus Circle were helpful in letting off steam.  The blog outlasted the therapist as she was costlier to maintain, and, uncomfortably, would tear up whenever I mentioned something that really resonated with her.  Talk about taking you out of the moment!  One minute I'm sharing about how my dad's widow put down his animals just weeks after dad died without first offering any of them to his children who lived nearby.

(Never mind that Jaffa, his skittish chocolate point Siamese, predated the wife a few years.  And, I certainly would have taken the old coot.)  The next minute I'm wondering if I should be offering M. the box of tissues sitting on the armrest of my sofa.


As of April 20th, I'll be en route to a new adventure overseas, and leaving my Upper West Side existence behind.  Like GoofyGirl, the lovely gal whose blog this is, I'll be an "American (was) Girlfriend (now wife) in London".  More "culture shock" awaits as does, maybe, an entirely new UK blog replete with extra vowels and s's where z's should be.



Wednesday, April 6, 2011

The Only Thing We Have To SPAM Is SPAM Itself


Are you totally sick of SPAM? I don't think I'll ever get tired of it. For some reason it's kinda endlessly amusing to me. Sure, back in the "olden days," you know, when we all pretty much only had AOL and it took like 10 minutes just to get on line... and you were probably charged per minute for that too, getting SPAM was SO annoying. There was no way to filter it.... But now places like Google have taken it up a notch and not only filter it all out, and give you a wee fiesta for a moment....

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but they put it all in the same place, and let you delete it all at once! Though, I am seriously considering starting a petition that would make google set off like fireworks or glitter or something festive each time the "Hooray, no spam here!" appears. How awesome would THAT be? Seriously.

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(make fun of my goofy (literally, eh?) self portrait all you like, I think it's funny too.  I'll never be able to create the awesome stuff Cake Betch does, but I don't even have a mouse, let alone half her talent at this stuff. I do everything on the wee "tickle pad" as I call it... I have no idea what it's actually called...)

Some of the SPAM that appears in my inbox is so bad I get the feeling that after they write out their idiotic letters they just go to babblefish to (try to) translate it.... 'cause there is pretty much no other way to explain the stupidity that oozes from the crap that arrives daily.

My Mother was an English teacher and because of her I find myself either spending ages editing and checking for punctuation/spelling errors in everything I read/write, or I just go ahead and enjoy the whole "I don't give a rats ass" concept of just lettin' it go and typing in my own vernacular. I think I'm a fairly even combo of the two. I'll happily call someone an asshat fucktard, but I'll manage use a semicolon when I continue to tell them why they should go eat a bag of dicks. (Gawwwd I can be so feminine sometimes, eh? ;p )

All that said.. guess what I got earlier? Oh this one is fantastic! Did I follow my usual MO (modus operandi) to write back? Ohhh you betcha!!

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Dear Respectfully, 
My name is Anabelle Webb, sorry for the medium by which I am sending this message to your esteemed self. Work with me for an over discounted Bank Guarantee on a United Nation Contract projects in Dafur, Sudan, Pakistan, Afghanistan, Iraqi, Ethiopia, Indonesia and Haiti which has duly been completed and commissioned and you will receive 30% of the total value. details will be furnished to you when you indicate your interest in partnering with me in this life time venture. Please contact me urgently.
Yours Sincerely, 
Annabelle Webb
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Let's break this one down shall we?

Dear Respectfully, Well, um.. ok... I guess that's a sign of respect to tell me I'm your "dear", but I must say... I feel a little awkward about it. We don't really know each other yet. Though, I have a feeling I will be wanting to contact you in a most urgent manner shortly so I can obtain whatever amazing thing you are offering me!

My name is Anabelle Webb, Hi Annabelle! sorry for the medium by which I am sending this message Wow! You hired a psychic to help you find me? That's Amaaaaazing! No need to apologize, but if they are still there, could you ask them to pass on a few messages to some dearly departed ones? I miss my Grandma. to your esteemed self. Wait, are you saying YOU admire me, or you think I hold myself in esteem? 'Cause that's a lil' presumptuous Annabelle, don't you think? Work with me didn't your Mother teach you to say "please"? for an over discounted "OVER DISCOUNTED"?! WOAH! Bank Guarantee on a United Nation Contract Golly, this sure sounds important and legit to me! projects in Dafur, Hold up, wait...There's a place called "Dafur"?! Really? No way!?! Is it populated with teddy bears?!!! God I hope so! I bet that would be the MOST fabulous place to be on earth! Unlike Darfur, where there is a war waged by the Sudanese government against the non-Arab indigenous population and the region has been in a state of humanitarian emergency since 2003, just sayin'..., Sudan, Pakistan, Afghanistan, Iraqi,  Just one? One dude from Iraq? Hmm... I wonder if he's as hot as "Sayid" from that TV show LOST.  If it's him, and if he's shirtless... say no more! Count me in!  Ethiopia, Indonesia and Haiti which has duly been completed and commissioned Sooo you're telling me that this project, and it's OVER discounted bank guarantee has been completed according to ALL proper procedures and laws? Yowzers Annabelle, that IS impressive! and you will receive 30% of the total value. Is this 30% of the total value before or after the over discounted bank guarantee?  details will be furnished to you when you indicate your interest in partnering with me in this life time venture. Oh, right, ok then... I'll get right on that. Please contact me urgently. Jeebus Annabelle! Quit bein' so pushy! I get that this is waaay important, but there is no need to be so bossy. I have a feeling a lil' vacay in Dafur with all those cuddly teddy bears would do you a world of good.

Yours Sincerely, I'm sure.

Annabelle Webb Annabelle, did you know that if I google your name the first thing that comes up tells me you have a facebook profile?! This is awesome! I am soooo gonna send you a friend request! We're gonna totally be BFFs I just know it!! Talk to ya soon my new bestie!!!
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PS. Just noticed your subject line... and Annabelle... honey, you'll be waiting a while.