50 Nifty United Sates....

(click to enlarge)

Rationale and statistics:
Most stats taken from http://www.americashealthrankings.org/ and http://www.census.gov/compendia/statab/rankings.html (unless otherwise noted)
1. Alabama: highest rate of stroke (3.8 percent) (tied with Oklahoma)
2. Alaska: highest suicide rate (23.6 suicides per 100,000 people in 2004)
3. Arizona: highest rate of alcoholism
4. Arkansas: worst average credit score (636)
http://www.talkbusiness.net/article/ARKANSAS-RANKS-LAST-IN-CREDIT-SCORE-AVERAGES/1007/
5. California: most air pollution (15.2 micrograms per cubic meter)
6. Colorado: highest rate of cocaine use per capita (3.9 percent total population)
7. Connecticut: highest rate of breast cancer
http://www.statehealthfacts.org/comparemaptable.jsp?ind=469&cat=10&sub=112&sort=a
8. Delaware: highest abortion rate (27 per 1,000 women aged 15 to 44)
9. Florida: highest rate of identity theft (122.3 reports per 100,000 people)
10. Georgia: sickly based on highest rate of influenza
11. Hawaii –highest cost of living (tied with California)
http://www.cnbc.com/id/38148092/States_With_the_Highest_Cost_of_Living?slide=11
12. Idaho – lowest level of Congressional clout
http://www.newwest.net/topic/article/roll_call_rocky_mountain_states_still_at_bottom_of_congressional_clout_list/C559/L559/
13. Illinois: highest rate of robbery (284.7 incidences per 100,000 people)
14. Indiana: rated the most environmentally unfriendly by NMI solutions
http://www.environmentalleader.com/2010/09/15/indiana-comes-in-last-on-green-state-ranking/
15. Iowa: highest percentage of people age 85 and older (1.8 percent) (tied with three other states)
http://www.statemaster.com/graph/peo_per_of_peo_who_are_85_yea_and_ove-percent-who-85-years-over
16. Kansas: poorest health based on highest average number of limited activity days per month (3.5 days)
http://www.statemaster.com/graph/hea_lim_act_day_per_mon-limited-activity-days-per-month
17. Kentucky: most cancer deaths (227 per 100,000 people) (BONUS fact: Kentucky also has the highest rate of tobacco smokers – 25.6 percent)
18. Louisiana: highest rate of gonorrhea (264.4 reported cases per 100,000 people)
http://www.statemaster.com/graph/hea_gon_rat-health-gonorrhea-rate
19. Maine: dumbest state claim based on lowest average SAT score (1389)
http://www.commonwealthfoundation.org/policyblog/detail/2010-sat-scores-by-state
20. Maryland: highest rate of AIDS diagnosis (27.6 people per 100,000 people)
http://www.avert.org/usa-states-cities.htm
21. Massachusetts: worst drivers claim based on highest rate of auto accidents
http://www.theautochannel.com/news/2002/11/11/150352.html
22. Michigan: highest unemployment rate (13.6 percent)
23. Minnesota: highest number of reported tornadoes (123 in 2010)
http://woodbury.kstp.com/content/minnesota-ranks-first-nation-tornado-reports-2010
24. Mississippi: highest rate of obesity (35.3 percent of total population)
BONUS facts: Mississippi ranks last in the most number of categories. These include highest rate of child poverty (31.9 percent), highest rate of infant mortality (10.3 percent) lowest median household income ($35,078), highest teen birth rate (71.9 per 1,000 women aged 15 to 19) and highest overall rate of STDs.
25. Missouri: highest rate of bankruptcy (700 out of every 100,000 people)
http://www.bcsalliance.com/bankruptcy_statestats.html
26. Montana: highest rate of drunk driving deaths (1.12 deaths per 100 million miles driven)
http://helenair.com/lifestyles/article_c48ad0a6-bce0-5f69-931e-dc5ca0f83583.html
27. Nebraska: highest rate of women murdered annually
28. Nevada: highest rate violent crime (702.2 offenses per 100,000 people). BONUS fact: Nevada also has the highest rate of foreclosure (one in 99 houses)
29. New Hampshire: highest rate of corporate taxes
http://newhampshire.watchdog.org/7194/nh-ranks-last-in-corporate-tax-climate-7th-best-for-business-overall/
30. New Jersey: highest rate of citizen taxation (11.8 percent)
http://retirementliving.com/RLtaxes.html
31. New Mexico: antisocial claim based on lowest ranking in social heath policies
http://www.lasg.org/NMecon05.htm
32. New York: longest average daily commute (30.6 minutes) http://www.statemaster.com/graph/lab_mea_tra_tim_to_wor-labor-mean-travel-time-work
33. North Carolina: lowest average teacher salary
http://www.southernstudies.org/2008/01/north-carolina-ranks-last-for-teacher.html
34. North Dakota: ranked last in ugliest residents report as chosen by The Daily Beast
http://www.thedailybeast.com/galleries/1272/1/?redirectURL=http://www.thedailybeast.com/blogs-and-stories/2010-02-01/the-most-and-least-attractive-states/
35. Ohio: nerdiest state claim based on highest number of library visits per capita (6.9)
http://www.statemaster.com/graph/edu_pub_lib_lib_vis_per_cap-libraries-library-visits-per-capita
36. Oklahoma: highest rate of female incarceration
37. Oregon: highest rate of long-term homeless people
38. Pennsylvania: highest rate of arson deaths (55.56 annually)
http://www.statemaster.com/graph/cri_ars_dea-crime-arson-deaths
39. Rhode Island: highest rate of illicit drug use (12.5 percent of population) http://economix.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/08/11/drug-use-across-the-united-states-or-rhode-island-needs-more-rehab/
40. South Carolina: highest percentage of mobile homes (18.8 percent)
http://www.statemaster.com/graph/hou_per_of_hou_uni_tha_are_mob_hom-housing-percent-units-mobile-homes
41. South Dakota: highest rate of forcible rape 76.5 per 100,000
42. Tennessee: chosen most corrupt state by The Daily Beast
http://www.thedailybeast.com/blogs-and-stories/2010-05-11/the-most-corrupt-states/
43. Texas: lowest high school graduation rate (78.3 percent)
http://www.statemaster.com/graph/edu_hig_sch_dip_or_hig_by_per-high-school-diploma-higher-percentage
44. Utah: highest rate of of online porn subscriptions
http://www.deseretnews.com/article/705288350/Utah-No-1-in-online-porn-subscriptions-report-says.html
45. Vermont: infertility claim based on lowest birth rate of any state (10.6 births per 1,000) (tied with Maine)
http://www.statemaster.com/graph/hea_bir_rat_per_100-birth-rate-per-1-000
46. Virginia: highest number of alcohol-related motorcyle deaths
http://www.vabiker.net/2008/09/virginia-ranks-last-nationally-in-alcohol-related-motorcycle-deaths/
47. Washington: most cases of bestiality (4 reported in 2010)
http://www.pet-abuse.com/pages/cruelty_database/statistics/state_ranking.php?year=2010&search=go
48. West Virginia: highest rate of heart attack (6.5 percent of population)
49. Wisconsin: highest rate of binge drinking (23.2 percent of population)
50. Wyoming: highest rate of deadly car crashes (24.6 deaths per 100,000)
http://www.autoinsurancequotealert.com/news/wyoming-leads-nation-with-highest-motor-vehicle-fatality-rate/


I just HAD to post this. Why? Because it's totally worth sharing! I mean c'mon, how many of you didn't look at your state first and think "nuh uh! not me!" or decide to check out any other states you've lived in then think now that you've moved "Whew! glad I dodged that bullet!"

Is It Really An Honor Just To Be Nominated?

 (go me... go me... go go go me.... ;p)

I was given a blog award recently, and have been absolutely horrible about doing anthing about it. (You sure I'm worthy of this one Starlight?) Anyway... apparently there are rules I must follow, and who am I to break the rules? (Don't answer that....)
The rules were/are as follows:

1.      Thank and link back to the person who gave this award to you. (√)

2.      Share 7 things about yourself (√ ok... here we go...)

1. I am a complete salad snob. I seek out restaurants based on the salads they serve, will make MASSIVE salads at home and live off them for 1/2 a week... and rarely are they the epitome of healthy.... oh, and I judge you when you use iceberg lettuce. ;p
2.  I will NEVER not think burps & farts are funny. My inner 8 yr old is strong.
3.  I am a stickler for proper grammar and spelling, but I absolutely love it when people just make up their own words to suit the situation, (my theory being that if you make up a word and people know what you meant, you've just made it a real word) and I rarely bother to re-check things I write for errors... even though I mess up all the time. Guess I'm basically a grammatical hypocrite?
4. I have been writing since childhood, and I find it to be the most cathartic thing in the world... but have a very hard time sharing the stories I write because they become so very personal to me.
5. I would kick puppies to have smaller feet. Even just a size 9 would make me happy... 'cause size 11 just plain sucks.
6. On an almost daily basis I want to get in a time machine and go scream "What are you crazy?!" at my adolescent self for not wanting to take a nap. Man I miss nap time.
7. I don't put much stock in horoscopes/star signs... but I have noticed that every female I've ever met that is a Cancer I have liked instantly, and every male I know that is a Cancer has the most intense mood swings I've ever seen. 

... and now back to the rules.....

3.     Award 15 recently discovered great bloggers (√ ...BUT since "recently" isn't fully defined, i.e what is recent? Past year? past week? yesterday? ... and 15? really? 15? Um... I'll be cheating a bit here.......I'm going with the 15 bloggers whose recent writing/posts I just dig, and who don't have 80 gazillion readers/followers. You know.. you should check them out.......go follow them too. I can't be the only person that appreciates & likes feedback from others.)

Starlight @ Crazy Thoughts (I know you gave ME the award... but... you didn't say I couldn't give it to you as well!)

CakeBetch @ Hot Mess Chronicles

The Suburban Bushwacker @ The Suburban Bushwacker

Harper @ Bleak to Chic

The hysterical woman behind "Crazy Ramblings Of A Tired Mom"

BeMistified @ Neon Green Blathering

Brooke @ If You Don't Have Anything Nice To Say, Read My Blog

Angel @ Illegitimate Angel

Fickle Cattle @ I Am Fickle Cattle

Roaring Housewife @ I Am Housewife...Hear Me Roar

Ms Tsa @ The Odd Things

The funny guy behind "Content Unrelated"

LeeRoses @ If There's One Thing I've Learned

Simon @ This, That, 'N' T'other

The genius behind "Just Plain Tired"

4.         Contact these bloggers and tell them about the award (√ ok. This is gonna take a while....)

Thank you Starlight ♥

An American Girlfriend In London, Pt 9: My Heart's In The Highlands

I'm sorry I've been so bad about posting anything new... but I've been away from the 'puter and off doin' some things to help make my 2011 the best year yet.........

My time in Scotland was AMAZING. It always is. This time however I got to do some things that many people don't normally do when they go to the Highlands....

 

(This is where I was staying in Kincraig. The Suie is a BEAUTIFUL b&b that you just MUST stay at if you're up there, it's just so cozy and comfy... plus my friends Mike & Wendy own the place and they are very sweet people... and the price is so good you just can't NOT stay there! - plus the pub attached is pretty great.)

Example: Most people expect to hear about sightings of beautiful deer & stags while wandering the hills...

yup... I did see those.... & took their picture....

But then what about snow monkeys? (dear god they were cute!) Not typically Scottish you say?

 

(this is by far my favorite picture I took that day)

BUT...when was the last time you heard someone went to the Highlands of Scotland and stood less than 2 feet away from Amur Tigers? (formerly known as Siberian tigers)... 'cause I did that too....

 

(you better believe I was willing to have my picture taken that day!)

How the hell did I do that? I'll tell you... Last Friday night a bunch of my friends that live in Kincraig got together to celebrate my birthday with me and at one point I noticed this one guy that I didn't recognize, so I walked right up to him and said "hi, I don't know you" and he smiled, put out his hand, and introduced himself: Mark.

Over the course of the evening I started to feel like I had known him for more than half my life, didn't really matter that he is like 14 years younger than me. At the end of the night he asked me "what are you doing on Monday?" and I told him I had no plans, and that's when he told me it was his day off and he wanted to take me to the Highland Wildlife Park... which is where he works (as do a few of my friends.) I had been there before back when I used to live in Scotland, but never with an employee that knew the ginormous place like the back of his hand... nor have I been there with someone that was able to let me come with at feeding time in the tiger enclosure.

Trust me, I was never closer to the tigers than 1 1/2 feet (plus the fence you see in the above picture), as cute and kitty like as they may be... they'd rip my head off in a heartbeat just for giggles... and I don't mind my head where it is, you know, attached and all.



There were polar bears too! So beautiful... but über stinky!

......and Red Pandas... which I will eternally refer to as "ginger raccoons":

Yes, my time in Scotland was phenomenal, and everything I wanted & needed it to be... and so much more. I got to see old friends, loved friends, make new friends... and laugh harder and longer than I have in ages. I had delicious meals cooked by cherished friends, icy cold beers in seemingly endless glasses, long overdue chats with those I had been missing with all my being... and ... y'all I stood less than 2 feet from wild tigers! Incredible.

 This would be my "Holy $#¡T!! You got that picture, right?!" face.... no idea what my hair is doing, but at least I know what the face says :)

My heart's in the Highlands, my heart is not here,

My heart's in the Highlands a-chasing the deer-

A-chasing the wild deer, and following the roe;

My heart's in the Highlands, wherever I go.

Farewell to the Highlands, farewell to the North
The birth place of Valour, the country of Worth;
Wherever I wander, wherever I rove,
The hills of the Highlands for ever I love.

Farewell to the mountains high cover'd with snow;
Farewell to the straths and green valleys below;
Farewell to the forrests and wild-hanging woods;
Farwell to the torrents and loud-pouring floods.

My heart's in the Highlands, my heart is not here,
My heart's in the Highlands a-chasing the deer
Chasing the wild deer, and following the roe;
My heart's in the Highlands, whereever I go.

-Robert Burns

An American Girlfriend In London, Pt 8: It Ain't Brigadoon, It's Better

I am writing this a few days in advance, and will set it so it posts later this week... so if I did that right, you are reading this on my birthday (January 12th)... and I intend to be nowhere near the computer. I will have traveled from London up to the highlands of Scotland to go spend my birthday in one of the places I love most in this world (Kincraig) and with friends there that I have not seen in ages. The BF has stayed in London. I don't need a party, I don't need gifts, I don't need cake, or a special meal....

I just want to wake up on the morning of January 12th 2011 and look out over the rugged landscape of the highlands and know that some of my heart is back... because I left a very large chunk of it the last time I was here.

 

I will never tire of the beauty of the snow capped Cairngorms, the stags roaming the hills, the giant fields of sheep, and the almost random ruins of eras gone by as I wander through the hills. There is nothing I don't find beautiful here, and I often wonder how it was that I was born, and grew up, so far away. I've never been to another place on earth that felt more like home than the highlands ... so for my birthday this year... 

I'm going home.

♥

Self Preservation

I subscribe to A LOT of blogs, and I enjoy reading each and every one of them, some more than others (you know I am totally talking about loving YOUR blog the most, right? *wink wink*)….. but I have been made acutely aware that if I am not either a) reminiscing about 2010 and the good/bad parts, b) making a list of resolutions for 2011, or c) talking about my period … then I'm doing something wrong. Sooo not kidding about the period thing. For real. 29 out of 38 blogs written by just women that I subscribe to have a blog post from this past week that has been about periods, getting your period, having your period, missing your period, waitin' on your period, the fact men don't understand much (if anything) about your period, guest posts about periods, hatin' on periods, and a bunch of other period related topics. I have no interest in talking about my period, your period, or anyone else's zombie vagina festival… not today at least. (Though I am starting to wonder if it's possible to be in sync with other bloggers, & since parts of the world of science always seems to be doing REALLY retarded research on the oddest topics, maybe they could explore that one?)

I do, however, feel the need to say that 2010 was not a bad year. Sure some stupid shit happened, and yeah, a bunch of good stuff happened too…. but all in all it was not the catastrophic nightmare that 2008 & 2009 were. Those years were HORRIBLE. I made the decision on December 31st 2009 that 2010 would be greeted with zero expectations. My thinking being that if I had no expectations, then I would have no disappointments. I gave it my all.

I told myself that if I found myself disappointed by things there was a good chance it was my own doing. I refused to rely on others for my happiness. I lowered my expectations of everyone & everything, and I took it upon myself to make myself happy. Basically, if you were planning to fuck me over, or totally be a douchebag to me… 2010 was your year! I just shrugged it off 99% of the time. The unlucky few that fell into the .01% slot got the flavor of hate permeating the air around them via me… BUT, for the most part my plan worked …. right up until it didn't. I can't really get into specifics on that right now, but I will say I learned a great deal about myself, as well as others. Admittedly I also learned a bunch of things I wish I hadn't… this'd be the time that the phrase "ignorance is bliss" comes to mind. I will probably always wonder if it would be better if I DIDN'T become aware of certain things, and in a few instances I'll just know it would.

So here I am in 2011 … will I take what I learned in 2010 to attempt to make 2011 even better? Damn skippy!  Will I keep my expectations low for all the people around me? Nope. That is something I also learned, see when someone has no (or just low) expectations of you… well, you have no desire to do jack shit. I had some friends that fell under that category (key word: HAD). It sucks to learn things the hard way, but in doing so the lesson sticks.

I'm taking it up a notch in 2011. I am going to be holding people to their word, and not letting them get away with crap like "I'm sorry, but…" or "I know I said , but…" , in fact the majority of the time the word "but" is heard by me I would really appreciate it if it was bookended by the words "your" & "is cute." (well, plus the extra "t"…'cept one doesn't check for typos/misspellings when speaking do they? That'd be weird.)

Yeah, in 2011 I am going to expect the people I care about to stick to their word, yet I will also try to not get my hopes up beyond what is reasonable. It kinda sounds sad though doesn't it? Funny how a person (i.e. me) can be vastly aware of their own issues with the inability to trust/believe … and yet still do everything in their power to persevere with it. Why it's downright wacky I tell ya!  Amazing what one does in the name of self preservation, isn't it?

FML

I'm not here to try to sell stuff (unless I actually write a book, or make something cool... in which case please! buy the fuck out of it!)... but this book... dear god I have been laughing so hard that the tears are still not dry as I type this...... please, do yourselves a favor and go get it, or be a cheap ass like me and read it standing in the book store laughing waaay too loudly.

F My Life is based on the website of the same name (www.FMyLife.com)... and here are some lovely moments that might very well bring laughter filled tears to your eyes as well......

"Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. I cried and told him that I loved him. He gave me a quarter and told me to call someone who cared. I threw the quarter in his face and ran. I waited for the bus, but when I got on, I realized I was 25 cents short of the fare. I walked home in the rain."
 

"Today, my boss fired me via text message. I don't have a text messaging plan. I paid 25 cents to get fired."
 

"Today, I got in line at the grocery store. The woman in front of me looked right at me, turned to her friend, and said "That reminds me, I forgot to get acne cream."
 

"Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the fuck up!".

... you're welcome ;p

An American Girlfriend In London, Pt 7: Christmas 2010

I was going to write a blog post.... but I just didn't feel like it. So instead, today, you get a video... of me. There is a part of me that really wants to apologize for sitting here in a sweatshirt with no make up, and messy hair covered by a hat I've had on since noon, but I won't, 'cause this IS me. Well, it's me home alone and ready for bed....

(I have NO idea why the sound & video don't seem to be lining up properly, sorry)

&

 

An American Girlfriend In London, Pt 6: The New London Eye?

About two weeks ago the vision in my right eye went cloudy. Not the eyeball itself, just the way things looked. There was no injury, no signs, no redness, no itching, no irritation, no scratch, no makeup or moisturizer in my eye, nada, zip, zero, zilch. I assumed at the time that it was my contact lens, and so I took them out. The following morning I put on my nerd glasses and the eye was still cloudy. I washed my face, put drops in my eyes… no change. Days went by… no change.
After about four days I was up walking on the high street near here and saw a Boots eyewear shop. I figured there'd be an eye Dr. in there since people need to get prescriptions for glasses, right? They had to have some equipment that could see past the obvious, right?  Wrong. Other than wasting about £40 to be told to put a warm washcloth over my eyes for 10 minutes a day, I got nothin'. NO answers.

A week later, after being told by the BF that I should just go to the local hospital down the road and not bother with the "private practice" people… I went. Though I should say "I spent"… not money… but 5 hours. Yes, FIVE FUCKING HOURS in the waiting room. Well. more like 4 hrs. 15 minutes since the first 45 min were spent going from desk to desk to desk at the hospital since no one seemed to know much of anything.

One office: They ask me if I am diabetic, I tell them no, they then tell me they can't see me since they only deal with diabetics. In my frustration I offer to head back to the high street and eat a couple dozen cupcakes to give myself diabetes. While the other patients in the waiting room found this hysterical, the receptionist did not… and sent me to yet another office.

(insert 3 other offices/desks here, none of them helpful AT ALL)

Another office: Since I didn't have a primary care physician, nor did I have any obvious medical emergencies (i.e an axe sticking out of my cranium), I was told I needed to go to the ER section and see someone there…

 
ER: they took my info, told me to have a seat… and for 4 hours and 45 minutes my ass sat there in silence. Wish the same could be said for the family with two small children that didn't shut up for more than 10 seconds during those 4 hours and 45 minutes. They weren't speaking english, so I have no idea what was so important that the husband and wife couldn't shut up. They weren't even fighting… just non-stop (VERY LOUD) jibber jab. It was getting on my every last nerve.. but still I sat… waiting, quietly, hands in my lap, in silence… for 4 HOURS AND 45 MINUTES!

When a Dr. finally came out and called my name I almost cried tears of joy… but held back for fear of screwing up whatever tests they were hopefully about to run. Know what they did? The very nice (& decidedly hot) Dr looked in my eyes with a small light, put some iodine drops in my eyes, looked at them again, flushed the iodine out... and said "what would you like first? The good news, or the bad news?" … I gotta admit, I was actually excited for the bad news at this point because in my head it meant he knew what was wrong.

"Both, in one sentence" I told him. So he says "well, good news is that I didn't see anything wrong, because the bad news is that the equipment here is not any good for this sort of thing and you'll have to go see a private care physician." He gave me a print out of the place he recommended, oddly enough it was the place I had originally wanted to go that the BF told me not to bother with. So… the next day I emailed them, and asked for info about an appointment. When I finally heard back two or three days later the email told me that a consultation, not even a fucking exam, would be £200 to £250… yeah, that's almost $400… so guess whose eye miraculously cleared up a day later? (It totally didn't, I'm just faking it till I get back to the states and can go see a Dr that won't cost me an arm and a leg… almost $400 is downright retarded)

So, yeah, I'm walking around these days with a really cloudy eye that makes seeing things at night a royal pain in the ass. On sunny days I am stupid enough to put my contacts in because I can not see in bright sunlight without sunglasses on, and wearing my glasses makes wearing sunglasses impossible (…or just plain awkward, 'cause I don't think glasses of any sort were meant to be layered- even in the 80'.) Yeah, wearing my glasses sucks- especially in the winter when they fog up every time I walk through a door where the temperature changes. Makes me want to invent a wee wiper blade that swishes across the lenses, how cool would THAT be?!

An American Girlfriend In London, Pt 5: Excuse You

 I can not even begin to tell you how many times I have witnessed this over the past month, and it truly shocks me: NO ONE IN LONDON CLOSES DOORS.

It's freezing here, and the heat is on in all establishments, but no one seems to bother to close the door after they enter or exit, EVER. In just the past 20 minutes I have witnessed the door to the back terrace at the cafe where I sit be opened by 10 different people, not one of them closed it behind them. Do they think that because they are brave enough to sit outside in the cold that all the people inside must get the chills too?

I am more than a little obsessed with keeping doors shut due to my very drafty house back home in the states... plus the drafty house here in London where I am living needs doors to stay shut or the rooms will never get warm. I've witnessed this all over the city; in restaurants, shops, and even other people's homes. Seriously though, what is with people? Is it that hard to close a door? You opened it to get in/out... then eventually one of the staff here, or maybe me, closed it when your inconsiderate ass left it open... why not try being polite? Close the fucking door!

Don't get me wrong, many (like most) Americans are rude as fuck... and they seem to be even worse in the summer... like if they leave enough doors & windows open they'll manage to cool down the air outside. Dear Idiots- YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG!

I've also been noticing that people rarely say "pardon me" or "excuse me" when they bump into you.... moreover when they bump into me. The other day I actually stopped to look in a store window to check my reflection to see if maybe I had a sign somewhere on me reading "please pretend I'm a bumper car"... nope, wasn't there. Or was it? Maybe I just can't see it? I'm one inch shy of 6' tall, with bright fuchsia streaks in my hair... I'm not what one would call "easy to miss"... maybe that's the problem? I'm so in their face that they have no choice but to bump into me? I'm gonna go with that one, it almost makes sense... almost.

I'm really in no mood to be writing a post right now... and in the 5 minutes since I started, the door to this back terrace has been opened by 6 different people, none of them shutting it behind them. It was always one of the busy staff running from the front of the cafe to close it. WTF?

At least I've been smart enough to always sit in the far back corner so no one even has the option to bump into me... and I can just watch their inconsiderate asses waste some more heat/money. Guess people figure if they aren't paying for it... they're not paying for it. I'm sure this happens everywhere... but I'm not everywhere... I'm here.

An American Girlfriend In London, Pt 4: What A Riot

A VERY good friend of mine (Doug) that I've known since I was like 14, is in London on business this week (woohoo!) and tonight (his last night) we met up for a bite to eat and to catch up since we hadn't seen each other since spring.

I don't recall the place we ate at, and it wasn't a "real" meal per se ...just a massive plate of chips (french fries) & a variety of sausages (um... YUM! Seriously.. YUM!!!) We had been sitting around waiting for the BF to show up and after an hour or so decided to move to somewhere to get a cup of tea/coffee ... and as we left the restaurant we were greeted by this:

 (click to enlarge)

I walked up to one of the cops in their riot gear and asked him "What's going on?"
He replied "I don't know, you tell me..." and smiled.
I just looked at him funny and said "Ok, what's your name? I'll go run up ahead and shout back for you" and started to walk away.... then this happened...

 It was fairly intense for a few moments there.  But did I manage to catch THAT on video? No. (That would have been too awesome apparently....) I was so taken aback by the sight that greeted us outside the restaurant that I had whipped out my camera, and as soon as the first picture was taken the cops started marching so I filmed THAT moment. (it was a VERY creepy sound BTW) People were rushing around and shouting, and Doug & I had NO idea what was going on, so I asked another bystander. They told us it was in regards to the recent changes in the college tuition policies. (Apparently they want to change the fees for English (not Welsh or Scottish) students from £3000 to £9000... and not too many people are all that pleased about it. There have been loads of demonstrations around the city, a MASSIVE riot about a week ago, and tonight there was a whole mess of angry protesters around London, and the police were trying to get them all into one place to keep an eye on them in Trafalgar Square. (I don't think they were keeping too close an eye since they seemed to miss the guy spray painting "TORY SCUM" on the statue known as Nelsons Column. (Nelsons Column is basically the London equivalent of The Washington Monument and was once known as the center of town as well.) Doug got a good shot of that on his phone.

We finally made it through the crowds, found an empty coffee shop, and went in... getting hot cocoa... 'cause not much says "we're wild, crazy, and live on the edge" like hot cocoa, ya know? The BF eventually showed up. Doug & the BF finally got to meet, and I am happy to report they got along famously... as they should. I would have to break up with the BF if he didn't like Doug, not even kidding. Doug is that fantastic... and I love that he and I got to see the oddities of tonight together.

An American Girlfriend in London Pt 3: WTF-UK

This would be the blog post where no matter how hard I try not to sound like I'm complaining or trying to pull the "that's not how we do it in America" card… I'll fail miserably. I'm really not too worried about it though, because I feel the overwhelming need to get some of this out….

I do realize that the area am currently living in here in London (Hackney) is not what many would consider "LONDON"… but it is London. It's a part of London…. and London has done (or technically NOT done) quite a few things since I've been here this time around to make me wonder why it is listed when people talk of bustling metropolises (i.e "New York, Paris, Rome, London…") of the world.

We have received a total of approx. 1½ inches of snow here in the past 5 days, a mere dusting really (& yes, I realize other surrounding areas got loads more, and Scotland is like closed… 'cause they got slammed)… know what London did? Shut down. Seriously. The transit system went all loopy; schools closed; airports closed; mail even ceased to be delivered, & I just sat here totally stupefied. No mail? Are you F'n kidding me? (Dear USPS- You RULE!!) I only noticed this because I had been waiting on a few things, like my bank card, to arrive… and after waiting since the 16th of November, about two days ago I hoofed it across Hackney to the bank (it ain't close) to find out what the hold up was, fully convinced that HSBC stood for "Her Slow Bank Card", and I quickly found out that HSBC apparently stands for "Her Sucktastic Bank Corporation" 'cause those asshats mailed my bank card to my AMERICAN address. (WHAT?!) Know what the woman at the bank said to me? "You know, you didn't have to walk all the way here, you could have just called." This would be the moment where I consciously had to stop my eyes from rolling and turning into über bitchy American chick, and I calmly replied:  "Well, I would have called… if I had a phone… which I don't… and can't get till the bank card arrives, nor can I access the money I put in there till then either. So, as you can see, walking across the city to here was the only option."

Anyway.. that mild annoyance regarding the bank card is just that, a mild annoyance. All of these things are just mild annoyances and/or occurrences of "huh, that's odd" variety. Another example would be the package I have been waiting for. Each day this week I sat here patiently waiting for the *kErThUmP* noise the mail makes when it is shoved through the mail slot in the front door. I must admit, I do like that sound, but that is mostly due to the fact that back home on the island where I live mail is not delivered to houses; I have to go pick everything up at the post office. Home delivery seems like such a treat to me… so waiting for the postman to show up with a package was nice… till I gave up the other day and left the house around 2:30pm to go to the cafe down the road to use the internet… since we still don't have any here (more on THAT in a moment)… After I left…the post came, my package was here, at the front door… and it left. All I got was as slip of paper telling me to call for redelivery- with my nonexistent phone apparently- or I could walk to the package pick up center (about a mile or two away) and go get it myself.

Today, after getting directions from the BF as to the location of this package pick up center, I walked up there. It took FOREVER. Know why? Everything is coated in ice. According to one of the BF's housemates (AIR: Artist In Residence is the name given to him on the BF's blog, so I think I'll just use that one here as well), shops and homeowners alike are told to NOT shovel/scrape the areas in front of their properties, nor can they put down salt or sand… all because someone might slip on the salt or sand and sue. (But falling flat on your ass due to massive amounts of ice is okay?….) So, yeah, the only shoes I can wear for extended periods of time in this weather (chuck taylors) have ZERO traction (or warmth) on anything other than a basketball court (& while I am 1" shy of 6', and can palm a basket ball.… I don't play)…. Soooooo there I am taking baby steps and walking (slipping & sliding really) all the way up this road to find the package pick up center. I found it with no problem, but was more than a little shocked that I couldn't buy stamps anywhere in the building or nearby. I asked about 10 different people as I continued walking down the icy sidewalks, and FINALLY I found a post office. I bought 2 stamps (so that I wouldn't have to come back that way for a while), and mailed the one envelope I brought with me… and started to head back to the house.

Once I made it back to the road where I first began my trek I realized it was actually getting COLDER out… and there was even more ice on the sidewalks. I saw an ambulance loading a person in front of a grocery store… a grocery store with a HUGE patch of ice out front. Rocket science wasn't needed to figure out what happened… but the overheard conversation as I skated by ("Poor thing, she was just trying to hurry and get out of the cold" said a woman, "should have been wearing shoes with better traction" said a man) basically confirmed my theory. (I totally wanted to turn to the guy and be like "dude! way to kick someone when they're down! dick!") Behind the ambulance was a large van that was stuck on the ice. I wanted to cross the street, but not only was I completely bemused by the situation and the fact that right behind the numbskull that was attempting to push the van there was a large pile of cardboard that would have instantly afforded them the traction needed to get back on the road… but I didn't want to cross the road anywhere near this giant van that could have fishtailed at any second and, well, killed me. I am not ready to die… I got stuff to do.

As I rounded a corner I noticed a man, with a wheelbarrow, chucking fistfuls of sand onto the road. Homeboy was like a neon jacketed flower girl at the wedding of ice & wind. I couldn't help but wonder why a city like London didn't have some massive salt/sand trucks to help in these situations. I mean, a lone dude, in a bright yellow jacket, with a wheelbarrow on a major road…. it just doesn't seem to make sense. I'm sure in the main part of the city, where all the wealthy people live/work, there are salt trucks that can attend to the city's needs… but I was shocked by the lil' dude in the yellow jacket.

Now I am back at the house, typing this, wishing there was internet… and knowing that we probably won't even have it till mid-January at the earliest. THIS irks me. I could understand a week long wait… but honestly, this is retarded. Back home I wanted to switch providers, made a phone call, drove 3 miles, picked up a new router, plugged it in, an *poof* new internet in under an hour, America, Fuck Yeah! (even on the boring, tiny, no option havin', wee island…) Apparently the only way to get internet here, if you aren't going through your cable company (I have yet to explore the options of that one since there is no cable here at the house anyway), is to have a land line installed, and THEN you can get internet. Problem is getting someone here to do it. One of the BF's housemates is in charge of this (Not sure what to call him here… but Drunky McDrunkerson would be apropos… seriously, he is a hardcore alcoholic. I have never seen a human plow through booze the way he does… but he is nice enough. Very odd, totally quirky in the most annoying ways, and void of all social skills, but nice enough… I'll leave the part about him clearly having issues with women for another post,) So, yeah, DMD said he'd take care of all this… but he's more than a little flaky- so if the BF & AIR aren't on top of this… I will spend the rest of winter freezing my ass off up at the cafe so that I can post my ramblings ….& check email/facebook/and all the other stuff one uses the internet for.

I miss my WiFi… I also miss my big comfy girly bed with it's retarded amount of pillows, the feather bed topper, and the down filled duvet… and I miss my wood burning stove…. I miss not having my nose run INSIDE … I miss 80% of my clothes ….. I miss my refrigerator, and not just because it's massive & awesome, mainly I just miss it because it isn't filled with questionable things that very well might have expired during the Clinton administration. Plus it has more room than the shoe box sized fridge here. I miss my speedy and efficient washer & dryer. I miss grocery stores where I actually know where & what everything is. I miss my best friend & her two son's, A LOT….. I even miss my housemate Colin and the 130lb beast (Niela). I do NOT miss having everything I own coated in her hair, or her deciding at 3:30am that she needs to go out to pee and I am her Obi Wan. She can't go out on her own, she's too friendly and if she sees a skunk she'll be all "Hey kitty! Wanna play?! Can I sniff your butt?" - trust me, she did this quite a few times one month a summer or so back. You'd think just once would have been enough to teach her a lesson… nope. We've been really good about keeping an eye on her ever since…. easier than bathing her, that's for sure. (BTW- best thing to get rid of skunk stink? Dish soap. Don't believe that "tomato juice" lie… it doesn't work. It'll just make your dog smell like a salad… a skunky salad. Dish soap cuts up and breaks down the oils that the skunk just coated your dog in… and they'll smell lemony fresh :) It will dry their skin out big time though, so if you have some doggy shampoo for sensitive skin on hand (which you should if your a dog owner)..wash 'um with that after.)

That all reminds me… know what else I miss? Dish soap that doesn't make your palms peel and your nails turn into brittle, weak, pieces of paper. (Damn you "Fairy Soap®"!) There are also things that I don't necessarily miss, but wonder what ever happened to. Things like Jello®. I am pretty sure I've mentioned this before, but the fact that I can't find any Jello® products it just so weird to me. No Campbells® soups either… or Betty Crocker/Duncan Hines…and…….. <*insert solitary tear of remembrance here*>… no Strawberry Twizzlers®, that one is sad as hell.

Ok, I'm done. I do love London, and I am enjoying myself… and I do realize that for every difference I find there is an opportunity to potentially discover something even better than what I was originally looking for… but the lack of Strawberry Twizzlers® is a travesty. For real.