The Sounds Of Silence

Should your average person be able to witness a typical night in my home, they might think it was deathly quiet, and nothing of consequence .... but I don't think they'd hear what I hear every night before I try to go to sleep....

It begins with the *dull rolling* sound of a can as it slides across the ridged bottom of the refrigerator drawer ...
the metallic *pop* followed by a muted *fizz* as the tab top is pulled back and pushed in and *carbonation is released* ...
the sloppy resonance of the first sip, so as to save any of the liquid that may have escaped when the top was popped...
the *tiny crunch* sound as a dent is placed in the can ...
shortly thereafter the *clink* of the tall shot glass as it's retrieved from the top shelf above the sink ...
the *muted ping* of the glass placed on the wood surface of the counter in preparation ...
the released *whoosh* of frozen air as the freezer door is opened ....
the dull *clank* of the glass bottle as it's taken from the shelf in the door ...
the *jingling* sound made as the cap is twisted off ...
the *thin liquid sound* as it fills the shot glass ...
the crossover *shuffle step* as equilibrium is almost lost - then righted as the shot is taken in one *gulp* ...
the *clank* of the glass being placed to the left of the sink to lay in wait for the next time ...
the sound of *footsteps* towards the front door where the cigarettes are kept ...
the *scratch* of the thin cardboard as the top is slid back and a cigarette is removed ....
the *flick* or two of a lighter ...
the *muted crackle* of ignition as the first drag is taken ....
another *stumble* and then a *shuffle step* to remain upright ...
the *click* of the screen door latch as the door *slides* open across the flooring, followed by *slow steps* out onto the wooden porch ...
*mumbling* is often heard, sometimes it's unclear if it's to himself, or if he's on his phone ...
then SILENCE.... brief moments of silence follow ...
then more *uncertain steps* along the wooden deck leading back to the front door ...
the screen door latch *clicks* open ...
there is an *almost noisy abridged falter in balance* .....
sometimes a *thunk* or a *thud* ....
the door fully opens with a *swish* across the floor ...
*steps* committed to memory pilot him to back to the refrigerator ....
and then the *dull rolling* sound of the can as it slides across the ridged bottom of the refrigerator drawer ...
the metallic *pop* followed by a muted *fizz* as the tab top is pulled back and pushed in and *carbonation is released*.......
ad nauseam.......

I often wonder if anyone really knows, or for that matter even cares (& I am not even talking about just me) what the main cause of my insomnia is, or why I rarely want to have a drink, or am often sickened by those that try in vain to carry on with "normality" when they are drunk and slurring their words. Maybe it might explain why I am open to always having the TV on as a sound buffer?

Because on the nights I strive for silence my efforts are fruitless.... instead I get another night of sadness, worry, and the conscious knowledge that it's useless.

iBLOG: Doria

This post is another edition of the guest posts known as iBLOG. Today we get to hear from the lovely Doria over at What's On Your Mind Monkey Butt?" Which, I might add, is one of the funniest !@#$%^ names for a blog EVER! Seriously, how could one NOT look forward to seeing updates from a blog with that name?! I highly recommend you go check her out. I absolutely love Doria's blog. She is a girl after my own heart, she lives her life out loud (via her blog) and there is something just so familiar about her and her "voice." Please be sure to go check out her blog when you get a chance... but FIRST... read her guest post right here!
As with all the other bloggers that are contributing to this series, Doria was asked the simple question of "why do you blog?" We know that some do it because they have a hobby they want to share, some are looking for others that have the similar things going on in their lives and wish to discuss that, and some are pursuing their dreams and seeking to make them a reality... there are so many reasons that someone sat down one day in front of their computer and started a blog.... Here is Doria's story within a story.....
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**** After spending days talking to my friends, I wandered into a room with those same friends and I accidentally overheard their conversation... of which I was the topic of conversation. I knew, deep down, regretfully it was my mistake allowing myself to unfold from my neat shell.  I trusted my thoughts and feeling only to find myself in a very uncomfortable situation.  Of course their subject changed as soon as I appeared through that doorway.  I vowed then to not let myself pour out my feelings for those I trusted to only hear "isn't that weird?!"  

I have always been your typical "suffer in silence" type, not allowing myself to unleash my thoughts.  Don't get me wrong, my friends weren't technically in the wrong. I'd shared my thoughts and feelings with them alone and together.  It wasn't what they were saying, it was the way they said it. I keep my thoughts and feelings to myself because I'm a lost and confused mess.  I suffer within myself at times with my thoughts and feelings.  I never share because I don't want anyone else lost in this confusing mess.

(back to the story)
  

When this happened I said I'd blog about it.  It's as easy as hitting that little red X in the top right corner to get rid of me.  You see it up there? Don't hit it just yet!  You've made it this far!  I'm almost done!  Sheesh!  :)  So here we are, or here I am, again, spilling my beans.  Speaking of my babbles within. There is a chance I won't stop anytime soon. Just remember, there is always that red X up there, in the top RIGHT corner!  So, instead of bugging those I love. I'm bugging you dear bloggers and readers.  BUT lucky you, you never have to pretend to care. For those of you pretending to care, you're doing a good job!  For those reading that actually DO care, I love you too. Keep on blogging bloggers!  Where else can we release these thoughts?  Good day folks! *****


Doria's got the right idea here. Where else can we just release our thoughts? Thank you Doria! ♥