Sunday, July 31, 2011

We Might Be Nhüts

 Colin: Yeah, so, if you go outside tonight, in the yard, for any reason.... there is a weird high pitched squeaking noise, and I don't know what it is.

Me: Aliens.

Colin: Aliens, eh?

Me: Yup, totally.

Colin: Well it sounds like the alien is up in trees, or on the roof.

Me: Duh. Alien squirrel.

Colin: Yeah? An alien squirrel?

Me: Yup, from the planet Nut.

Colin: Did you just say "alien squirrel from planet nut"? Like "N" "U" "T"?

Me: No, actually it's Planet "N" "H" "Ü" "T" with the lil' umlat over the "u".

Colin: *laughing hard*

Me: Alien squirrels enjoy proper grammatical etiquette, don't hate.

Colin: Oh, I'm not hatin'... *still laughing*, kinda lovin' this.

Me: Know what else you kinda love?

Colin: What's that?

Me: Me, as your housemate of forever. Admit it, you kinda love me and my constant proof of why I don't need to do drugs.

Colin: Yeah. I don't need to "admit" that, it's self-evident.

Me: I know.
(*here's where I go back to laying on the floor next to the furry diva beast singing ♫♪♫♪♫"On top of spaghettiiii.... all covered with cheeeeee..... I lost my pooooor meatballlll..... when somebody sneeeeeeeezed...."♫♪♪♪♫♫*)

************ and THAT, my friends, is more of the why/how Colin & I have been living with each other longer than any relationship we've been in... we "get" each other. Rare, very rare.

Monday, July 25, 2011

Where Are You?

Dear Person Meant For Me-

I have become aware that I do not need to ask for a list of things in regards to what I would hope the person I spend the rest of my life with possesses. I realize that if we are together, it means you already have/are/do all these things.

I know you are taller than me, and I no longer need to feel like "the dude" in the relationship, or that I can't wear heels.
I know that you will have large strong hands.
I am sure that you have kissable lips & know how to use them.
I know that you can read books without the aid of pictures, and know the difference between they're/their/there & your/you're... among others.

I am also pleased to inform you that I will never forget that you don't have an odd knack for putting me down on such a sickeningly regular basis that any compliments you think you pay me fall on deaf ears.
You never leave me to fall asleep with tears in my eyes.
You do not feel that I'm not good enough, pretty enough, smart enough for you. You understand that when I am ready to give up, what I really desire is for you to not do the same, but fight for me when the fight in me has ebbed.

You never tell me how much better I could be, if only I changed. You accept me as I am.

I will love you with all that I have, and then find more to give from hidden reserves.

Maybe on a quiet afternoon in autumn as we lay on the beach, wrapped in blankets, listening to the tide roll in & out, I will tell you all this..... I just haven't met you yet.

Monday, July 4, 2011

I Crack Me Up

Have you ever used that "private browsing" feature on public(ish) 'puters, or logged into something like facebook from a place you've never logged into from before? If so, then you'll understand what this is....
At one of my jobs I have full internet access, but we have our own internet, so some of the people in the office next door pop over to use my 'puter to check things on the internet ... and I like my privacy among people I don't know too well... so every time I log in, &/or log out of facebook (which is an incredible cure for boredom some days), I have to rename my "location" because I use the "private browsing" feature. Once I realized it'd send a message to my cell phone... it became fun to log in & out constantly, yesterday alone will show you why:

...and it's not like this was the first time I figured out how to crack myself up.........

I love that I can make myself giggle. I may be the only one snickering, but... whatever... anything that makes my day better is TOTALLY worth it :)

Sunday, July 3, 2011

Taser Toes

I just can't deal with the stupidity of tourists. The stupidity of people in general is bad enough, but the tourists- especially on holiday weekends like this one- are a breed unto themselves. How they are even allowed out in public w/out supervision is now totally beyond me.

Today I was ready to punch more than half of them. The inability to read simple signs; the constant questions that, if they thought about what/who they were asking they would realize how stupid the question is; the whining about things that the person they are whining to has ZERO control over... the list goes on & on.....

Truth is I usually just take it all with a smile, laugh it off, and go on about my day. Today, however, I was in a  HORRIBLE mood. No real reason why, not one I can think of anyway. I did try to cheer up... I kept wracking my brain trying to think of what put me in such a craptastic mood.... NOTHIN'.... I couldn't figure it out.

I kept trying to knock the shit mood out of my system. I went and got a pedicure in lieu of a lunch break... and after deciding that summer would be better if all the island residents were issued Tasers or stun guns, I decided to try to make myself laugh and had my friend paint my toes in a rather unusual way....a way that I am now calling "Taser Toes"... the idea being that my "taser toes" are flippin' off the dumb tourists with every step.... can you guess which one's they are? :)

I drank a TON of caffeinated beverages, I even ate breakfast, & a grilled chicken salad later in the day... I wasn't hungry....nothing was helping.... right up until my day finally ended and I signed out at work and went to go spend a few minutes with a friend that works in the same building right next to my wee office... and together we witnessed what might possibly go down in history as the dumbest thing said/asked this summer...& believe me, we get some real winners on a regular basis...all day long.

A woman came over to the window and said, in broken English, (*while pointing towards the large park behind her where dozens of Queen Anne style Victorian homes sit*) 

"that house, the pretty one by the park, who do I talk to about renting it... is there a person I can rent it from?" ...ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?! She just asked a ticket agent at the Steamship Authority, the people who take the cars/people on & off the island, how to rent a house... and who to rent it from? 
Let's put this in analogical perspective: Imagine going into a movie theater and when you get to the ticket agent, you ask them if they would reupholster your sofa. OR... you go to the grocery store, and when it's time to pay, you ask if they could blow dry your hair.... yeah, like that.

It's weird enough that people ask those that live here all about the bus system I drive, walk, or hitch hike - I've NEVER taken the bus here. They ask us about hotels/inns... um... I stay at my house. They ask where the best place to eat is, and I just say "my kitchen, it's all I can afford." I DO get it, they are lost here, they don't know where anything is, and most of us, most of the time, are more than happy to answer any questions we can... but sometimes you have to wonder why they whoooooshed by those brightly painted, brochure filled, and constantly staffed, information booths in each town. I know they want "local" opinions ... but they seem to not realize that most of us that live here can't really afford to live here. I've just finished a 76+ hr work week as of 8pm tonight... 12 of those hours today alone.... so....

I came VERY close to saying to the crazy "how do I rent that house" lady "yeah, that's my house, gimme $10,000 cash and you can have it through Thursday." ... instead I started laughing so hard I began to fall out of the chair I was sitting in. Bad day officially OVER.