Tuesday, December 29, 2009

It's The Little Things...

Wendy was off the island for Christmas and called me to see if I wanted her to meet me at the ferry boat on the mainland and take me to the shops I was dying to get to so I could score some curtains w/out paying a zillion dollars....... and man did I ever!

I found curtains in the exact color I wanted, and today, after running around to a bunch of shops here on the island to find curtain rods (this island has a really shitty selection!) I finally made it home as the sky was turning dark, began to iron every curtain panel, then mounted and hung the curtain rods... and I FINALLY have curtains! It only took 9 years....

So, this week I have completely repainted, rearranged, reorganized, and hung curtains (and it's only Tuesday!)... did I mention I finally bought myself a suhweeet cordless drill? No? Well, I did! This lil' sucker is gonna get a hell of a lot of use! I also found a professional grade ice shaver at HALF OFF!... so today was a really good day! (I'm the weird one that can claim shaved ice (with no flavoring) is my all time favorite snack food.)

ok.. without further ado... my curtained livingroom!

 (that big blue lump in the middle of the room is the beast wrapped up in her blankets. She won't lay down w/out being covered head to toe in them... two seconds after I snapped the picture, she realized the blanket had slipped off her head and stood up ... then stared at me till I recovered her head... freakin' diva!)

My house has never looked so much like a home as it does tonight. This makes me smile.

*side note: you know what also makes me smile? The fact that I kept that card rack from my shop. When I closed my store I was just gonna sell the rack to a friend for their store, but somethin' made me hold onto it.. and I'm so happy I did. Not only can I use it to house my odd postcard collection - I do collect post cards, so feel free to send me some when you travel, the odder the better!- but it was a great way to display the gazillion Christmas cards that came in this year.

Sunday, December 27, 2009

Before & After

I repainted, cleaned, and slightly rearranged the main living area of my house... and I am quite pleased with the end results.. now it's just a matter of trying to keep it clean! Colin & the beast will be home in like 15 min. (they've been gone since Christmas Eve)... and that just equals instant mess...

dining room area BEFORE: (mind you, I took this before I tore down that wall on the left)

dining room area AFTER:

living room BEFORE:

living room AFTER:

Waaaay better!!! I realize this place will never be a show home, but it'd be nice to get it to the point where I don't feel the need to apologize to people for it before they even set foot in the door.
Next up... curtains. I know EXACTLY what I want and how I want it to look, all I need is a way to get off the island for the afternoon... and like $100. Not bad, 8 windows for $100? I think that's more than reasonable.... THEN... I'm gonna do the kitchen. If you read one of my earlier blogs about that you'll see what I'm planning to do there.

This house will take FOREVER to get it just how I want it, but when the day arrives.. man, that'll be awesome!

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Have Yourself A Merry Lil' Christmas...

So it's Christmas Eve... and I have, yet again, made it to Christmas without joining the masses in the crazed, stressed, totally insane shopping frenzy. I'm sure as a kid I'd think this was the craziest idea ever, but somewhere in my teen years Christmas stopped being so great, it just made no sense. I always loved the idea of huge gatherings of people, all relaxed, enjoying each others company. Some good food, and no stress. For more years than I can count I kinda dreamed of a holiday in some huge, but cozy, snowed in log cabin type place in a secluded area where all my friends would travel to. A place where we'd wake up on Christmas to a communal breakfast.... spending the better part of the morning playing in the snow or hanging out by the fire laughing... sit down in the evening to a feast we all contributed to... and then fall asleep late in the evening with smiles on our faces. Sounds fairly simple doesn't it? Yeah, it'll never happen.
Too many people experience "holiday guilt"... they feel they MUST go to specific places for Christmas, even if it's the last place they want to go. (This holds true for multiple holidays) I never feel guilt over not wanting to be certain places. It's not a matter of NOT wanting to be around family, it's about the fact that I am closer to my good friends than I am to any family members. Alas, they are all fairly close to their own families. That right there could be one of the things that drew me to them in the first place. I grew up rather jealous of large and/or close families. My mother was an only child, and while she had MANY cousins and extended family... we really didn't spend much time with any of them. Plus none of my family on her side is even remotely close in age to me. On my Dad's side, he had two sisters with a bunch of kids... again, none close in age... and his family lived across the country (or out of the country!) So, it was just my little brother and I. We didn't get along AT ALL till we were both in college, and even then it was strained. Only now can he and I hang out with each other for longer than an hour without some sort of fight brewing. We're very different people. Though, a few weeks ago he stopped by my house to ask my opinion on a jacket he had just purchased (which I loved so much I tried to steal almost instantly) and we ended up hanging out, one on one, just talking (about everything you could imagine)... for over 5 1/2 hours. THAT was a record. For real.
I love my family, I really do... and I love my friends... but then there are those friends that feel like family. The ones you love so unconditionally that it's almost impossible to explain. Last night I went to go see two of them. They are the sons of one of my best friends, Wendy. I knew Wendy was out for the night with her boyfriend, and I also knew she wouldn't be mad at what I was about to do.

I showed up, explaining to her sons, Leif (12) and Olin (9), that since I said "no Christmas presents" that "technically if you don't open them on Christmas, then it's not a Christmas present!" Then convinced them to open the last day of their advent calendar that I made for them since they wouldn't be here on Christmas to get the surprise on the 25th... and proceeded to give them each a wee bag filled with $50 worth of gold one dollar coins.  Man, talk about happy kids! Sure, money as a kid (and as an adult) is pretty great... but they loved the coins in the wee bags. It was like they just scored the ultimate pirate booty. I could have sat there and giggled with them, spinning the coins on the coffee table for hours. They were having so much fun.

I also gave them (and Wendy) some pictures I painted of all three of them. I'm not the worlds greatest artist, but I made the pictures with love... and I think they knew it. I bought some masking fluid (also known as "frisket"), borrowed a light box (oddly enough, from Leif) so I could see what I was doing in my poorly lit house and see the masking fluid as I painted.

Pulled out some photographs I have of each of them... and dusted off my all my watercolor paints and brushes.... and painted away...... this is the result (I matted them but no frame since I didn't know if she actually wanted to hang them, or what kind of frame she'd want) :

.......... and that was all I did for Christmas. Next up... I have to bake an apple pie to take to my Mom's house tomorrow. That is NOT a problem since I can bake those with my eyes closed. So there ya go... that's my Merry Christmas.  
I hope you have a Merry Christmas too!

- Gillian

If It Ain't Broke, Don't Fix It

Yesterday I spent the morning wondering why people call it a ''new lease on life''... and posed the question to my friends via facebook status. Seriously, can you lease it? After a few years do you have an option to buy? Is it so expensive that people just say "naaa, forget it, I don't need a life" or why they claim to sell their soul? Is it more cost efficient? If I get a ''new lease on life'' do I then get added insurance and the opportunity to trade up in a few years? AND where is the nearest life dealership? What if my credit score is bad? Do I have to get a crappy life? Can I just buy a used one? What if two people wanna split the cost? Do you have to share your life? Or do you each get a half assed life? I'm gonna need some answers.

My friend Brad asked "Are you jockying to take Andy Rooney's job?? ;-P "

My reply was that no, it was a legit question. I actually woke up with it running through my head... so I figured I'd ask if anyone knew why the hell it was called that. Besides, I'm (according to 99% of facebook statuses today) the only one NOT stressed about Christmas.

According to the dictionary on my computer, if you type "lease"... you get this:

lease |lēs|
a contract by which one party conveys land, property, services, etc., to another for a specified time, usually in return for a periodic payment.
verb [ trans. ]
grant (property) on lease; let : she leased the site to a local company.
• take (property) on lease; rent : land was leased from the city.

a new lease on life: a substantially improved
chance to lead a happy or successful life.

Ok... but "a substantially improved CHANCE" ... !?!?
WTF? Where's my guarantee? Where's the small print that tells me my new lease on life comes with benefits, and insurance that it won't suck as hard as the life I traded in to get a new one? Or does a new lease on life come with no guarantee? Maybe it'd be best to keep the old, already paid for, still working, life but shell out the funds to give life a tune up? Replace some old parts, replenish fluids, and possibly a new paint job? I'm starting to think that a new lease on life is a scam. I'll be keeping my eyes open for emails arriving from unknown sources promising me one "for the bargain basement price of your old life".... yeah, no thanks... I'll just make a new years resolution to be better at making fast repairs and scheduled tune ups.

The status following that read as follows:

Gillian is NOT getting a new lease on life. After much thought and consideration, I think it's a scam. My "old life" is perfectly good, works fine, and is paid for. Clearly all I need to do is take my current life in more often for some minor repairs and tune ups. I may not be new and shiny, but in a few more years... I might very well be a collectors item.

Sunday, December 20, 2009


Yup, we got quite the snow storm here last night/this morning. In fact I think all of New England got slammed with this storm. I have no idea what the exact snow fall is... you know, in inches... but I did manage to wrap myself up in warm clothes and go check it out...........

Then I went to go see what kind of snowy state my car was in....

.... and I couldn't figure out what that big bump/poof on the back of the roof was.... had my car gone to the Jersey Shore while I was sleeping? I decided to try brushing the snow off it and find out. (BTW, I do NOT recommend this if you are just wearing pajama bottoms tucked into an ancient pair of Ugg boots you just found in the basement, a poofy winter coat that limits your movement, and no gloves/mittens. Seriously... bad idea!)

So I started to brush it off....

.... and the mystery bump revealed itself.....

Apparently there was a tree that wanted to canoodle with my car.

My hands were so cold at this point I just gave up and decided there really wasn't anything I needed in town, and staying by the warm fire and reading was a much better idea. Alas... a warm fire meant more wood... so my freezing hands had to dig through the recently stacked piles...

I dug through... got some wood... and now I am going back to reading my book, but first... check out the diva dog (Niela, pronounced "knee-luh") romping around....

Sunday, December 13, 2009

On The First Day Of Christmas... My Broke Ass Made For Thee....

12 days to go till Christmas... and I am still dead broke, but I am apparently not allowing that to stop me from at least trying to make something for two of my favorite kids, Leif (12) and Olin (9). Tonight I created an advent calendar from the most random things... but it was pretty easy, and kinda fun. 

So easy that I am about to share the goofiness of this project with you....

(that's Olin, Leif, & I last weekend when I took them to go get Olin's hair dyed blue (even though it came out green, which was just as cool)... these kids are so freakin' awesome!)

First I went to the thrift shop to see if there were any muffin tins. I was looking for one for baking 12 muffins. I do realize that advent calendars are supposed to be 24 days long... but times are tight! This is my "The Economy Sucks, And I'm Broke, So I Can Only Give You A 12 Day Advent Calendar" calendar....

First... I found myself a muffin tin. (Even brand new they are pretty cheap)

Next.. some red spray paint that I had in the basemement. (For like under $4.00 you can get some)

   (this is the one I used)

I tried this paint technique where you put some salt down and it is supposed to look like snow flakes after the paint dries and you wipe the salt away... it didn't work... AT ALL.... but I was okay with that...

Next.... (after I let it dry, obviously).... add some treats. I threw in little candies, chocolate coins, wee toys etc. Really, this stuff doesn't cost all that much. Maybe like $10.00, and that's only because I had to buy larger packages of certain things since I live on an island and it is very hard (and very rare) to find exactly what you are looking for here. I have to improvise... A LOT. (hence my retarded craft projects)

Now... How to cover the lil' cubbies?.... I was going to use tissue paper, and cut out little numbers and things from random magazines/catalogs I have laying around... which anyone can and could do beautifully... but I just went ahead and made a bunch of numbers in Photoshop (4 per page)  and printed those out. Though, first I had to figure out how big they needed to be, so I searched my kitchen for round items I could trace to cover the the lil' cubbies. I scored the perfect size with a glass that I've had since I was a little kid.

So.. I traced around the numbers and started cutting....

Then I had to figure out how to attach them over the cubbies.  First I tried glue... but all I had was Gorilla Glue®.

I don't know if you realize this, but Gorilla Glue® is retardedly strong. Like the Big Bad Granddaddy of Krazy Glue. This stuff could be used, in lieu of nails, on rooftop shingles on a house on Mt. Washington.
So, yeah... I tried Gorilla Glue®.. and it wouldn't stick to the muffin tin! (That "no-stick" thing is NO JOKE! ... WTG! Bakers Secret®!)

I ended up just using a bunch of Christmas stickers I had. I love that stickers worked, but freakin' Gorilla Glue® didn't. The only thing the glue stuck to was me, more on that in a moment.

Next up I found a strand of that wire Christmas decor/ribbon (I have a large stash of seriously random stuff, for real)... and decided to use that as well.

And... TAA DAAA! My "The Economy Sucks, And I'm Broke, So I Can Only Give You A 12 Day Advent Calendar" Calendar is done!

Quit laughing! I made it for KIDS!! They will appreciate it!
Meanwhile... residual red spray paint, and enough Gorilla Glue® stuck all over my finger tips to render my fingerprints nonexistent, ended up making my fingers look like something pretty tragic happened...

Seriously, how awesomely gross looking is that??!!

Saturday, December 12, 2009

Me In A Box Shaped Nutshell

Yes, you read that right... THIS is me ... well... it's a good representation of me & what I love... and how strange my tastes are. :)

Me In A Nutshell

I Enjoy Being A Girl

These pictures are ridiculously fun to make... and one hell of a waste of time!
( if you click on either "box"... it will take you to polyvore.com and tell you what everything I put in this picture is... and where you can get it... and what it costs...etc... this might be my new favorite website! )

Monday, December 7, 2009


You know what I miss? Real mail. Remember when people actually wrote letters, or at least sent postcards (which I totally still collect BTW, just sayin'...), to each other? Now it's just emails, text messages, and comments on forums like facebook & myspace. I have email, I send email... but rarely are they actual letters. I have a cell phone, I send text messages... though I am pleased to announce that I will never *rite like ths 2 sav time,, ther iz nuthng gr8 about it.* I do have a facebook page... and I like it, I do. If I were to split the people in my life into two categories: those that live near me and those far away, it would be 95% far away, 5% here. Facebook helps me keep in touch. Plus, it IS kind of nice to be able to see pictures and leave/read funny comments. BUT... I miss real mail. 

     I used to write letters ALL the time. More than 1/2 the time I'd even decorate the envelope with funny pictures. Some friends of mine might even remember a time period when we all used to write each other but address the letters in a really ridiculous manner. I had one friend (I'm changing their name for this one) who was most definitely my worthy adversary in that dept. I can remember a long chain of letters back and forth addressed as things like:

"Ms. Gillian "don't fucking call me Jill" W*****"
"Ms. Jane "the results came back negative, this time" Smith"
"Ms. Gillian "so what if he can't spell, he's hot" W*****
"Ms. Jane "my dad can beat up your dad" Smith
"Ms. Gillian "sex kitten" W*****"
"Ms. Jane "the rash doesn't itch, much" Smith

That's just a small sampling... but man it would make us both laugh so hard, and I'm sure cracked up the postman as well. Sorta like when you write a check to a friend for something and write "for sexual favors" in the "memo" line.... you just know they are gonna deposit that check at night via ATM... or hope the teller isn't paying attention.

     I am pretty much 100% positive that if I start writing letters to a bunch of people there is no chance that I will create a chain reaction (and dear god, please not chain mail!), but I figured I could start small. It's Christmas time! I can send a Christmas cards again! I used to send a retarded amount of cards each year. Seriously, I'd have to set aside an entire day to get them done some years. We're talking over 250 cards some years, I never just signed my name. I always wrote actual messages in them. I also had a theory that if you had been out of touch with someone for a while and finally wrote to them, via Christmas card, they couldn't get mad at you for waiting so long to get back in touch.... since you bothered to send a Christmas card. It's like receiving a gift you don't love... you're still happy someone took the time to get/give you one, ya know?

     Well, I was just rummaging in the basement looking for something that has NOTHING to do with this topic (it was a box of art supplies if you really want to know... and I'm still looking) and I came across a box of extra Christmas cards. You know those years when you buy a box or two of Christmas cards and there's like 3 or 4 cards left over... you never just throw them away. Or the years when you realize you still need like 6 more cards so you go to the store and buy a box of them... only it's a box of 20... so now you're stuck with 14 extra Christmas cards. Well... I found 7 boxes of cards.... so guess what?
Yup, I'm sending some Christmas cards this year.

     If you end up getting a Christmas card from me that is a "repeat" of one you might have received in the past... um... get over it. These are hard economic times! The fact that I am going to be going to the bank with bags of change so I can buy stamps to get all these sent out should be enough! Besides... when is the last time you got a letter or card in the mail that wasn't from Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes, or a late B-day card from a random relative? Exactly.

     If you want in on this, send me your mailing address. A few of you already have (thank you, btw), but there are quite a few people who have not. You might THINK I have your address... think again.
To those that have given me their addresses: keep your eyes on your mailbox.... and look for letters addressed to you.... possibly from "Ms. Gillian "bet you didn't think I'd do it" W*****"

Friday, December 4, 2009

If You Don't Smile, I'll Give You A Big Gay Stick

     Today is December 4th. There are 21 days till Christmas, that's 20 shopping days + 1 emergency shopping day (Christmas Eve). For many years I would make it my goal to be done with 99% of all Christmas shopping before Thanksgiving. I would make lists of the people I needed and wanted to get gifts for, then I would start to brainstorm ideas... and then go about trying to get every single item.

     Rarely were these gifts things that I was 100% sure the person wanted. What I have to come to realize is that they were gifts I not only believed they might want (or need), but in many cases they were gifts that I really wanted them to love. Gifts that I believed, at the time, might be able to show the person how much I care about them. I would never stoop so low as to say "if only you knew how hard this was to find", or "this cost a ton of money, but you're worth it!" They were gifts that I thought would make it overly obvious how hard I was thinking about them.

     Seldom did that work. There were times when I would come across a beautiful piece of jewelry that reminded me of my Mother. I would buy it for her in the hopes that her reaction would be that of absolute joy. In truth, she has gotten VERY good at perfecting her reactions to things. In fact I still remember her being elated with the gold painted, glitter covered, glued macaroni book mark when I was a kid. How someone can be excited about that (or even convincingly fake any excitement) is beyond me. C'mon... the thing was nothing more than a paint stirring stick in hardcore drag. "Look Mom! I made you a big gay stick! Love you!" She is a very gracious woman, and possibly the most generous person I know - in every sense. I totally lucked out in the "Mom Dept."

     A few years in a row now I have given some gifts to friends that I believed they would love. Clearly I was wrong... but what went wrong? A few years back I was listening to one of my best friends, Colin, go on and on about the game "Risk" with their best friend (Christian). They were talking endlessly that night about how much they loved that game and how they both wanted to play it again, but neither of them owned it.  This was also the same year that Colin was completely enamored with all things "Lord of the Rings"... so you know what I found? A freakin' Lord of the Rings edition of Risk..... and I presented it to him at Christmas with such hope that a "holy shit!" or "dude! that's awesome!" would follow. Nope. In fact, you know where that game currently is? Still in plastic under his bed..... right next to the GORGEOUS chess board and gothic style pieces that I got him the year before.... I'm also guessing the high tech drum sticks that work with an iPod so he can play "air drum" when listening to his iPod and hear himself play are under there too. I thought FOR SURE those would be excellent... you know, since he's a drummer and is rarely in the house without his iPod on. I don't think he ever even put the batteries in, let alone took it out of the package. I just wish I could find something he'd like and use. He's a good friend and it sucks that I can't find that "perfect something."  Last year I bought him a Wii. You know how many times he has played it since Christmas 2008? 4 times. Yup... 4 times... and one of those times might not really count since the other person that was in the room that day sorta "took over." I think I've used it more, and I don't even like video games. Of course I kinda got put off after I spent an evening throwing 98 mph fastballs in Wii baseball and woke up the next day with a shoulder injury. There was also the evening when I "threw" the ball so hard I farted. That was, in honesty, absolutely hysterical. It really was a helluva pitch though... the ball throw that is...not the sound I made.

     It's not a matter of me thinking someone doesn't appreciate a gift. It's that I am bummed if I think they didn't like it, if I think that THEY think I didn't put enough thought into it. The people in my life, the ones I love, the ones I really wish I could do nice things for, buy nice things for, make nice things for... I hate feeling like I've disappointed them. I go home thinking they are questioning what the hell I was thinking.

     One year my friend Molly was going on and on and on about how badly she wanted a red fuzzy angora sweater. I FOUND ONE! (At J.Crew)... it was waaaay more $$$ than I should have spent, but so what!? She was a good friend at the time and I wanted to finally give her something she might like and wear. (And make up for the year before when I spent two weeks knitting her a GIANT thick scarf with ridiculously overpriced yarn (seriously, by the time I finished, I think that stupid scarf cost me more than I would have spent if I'd gone ahead bought one at a high end department store), 'cause I had just wanted so badly to make her something she wanted and would use, and 'cause I actually made the whole thing by hand I thought it might be a better gift. I think she wore both those items once... and possibly only because she grabbed one by mistake when heading out the door. No one should feel bad for not liking a gift, I just feel bad if they don't like it. I mean, who wouldn't? It's hard to explain.. 'cause you don't want people pretending to like stuff... or they'll just keep getting that stuff. It's like if someone makes an awful dinner, you're usually not gonna tell 'um it tastes like vomit, but if you act like it's incredible... guess what's gonna be on the menu next time you have dinner at their place? If they think you love it, they are making it to please you. Catch 22 right there.

     As if I didn't feel crappy enough about never giving Molly what she wanted... one year, right before I was moving to Scotland for about 6 months, I went to Molly's house on Christmas night. It was a sort of tradition to go to Molly's (and her, now ex, boyfriend's) house on Christmas night. I went there empty handed, because A) I was leaving for Scotland in the morning, and B) Molly and I had promised "no gifts" that year to each other. Molly broke her promise. When I arrived, she sat me down on the sofa next to her, handed me a fairly large square box, and a small card that read:
i just wanted you to know someone was listening. Love - Molly
Inside the brightly wrapped package was a crock pot. I cried. I actually freakin' cried. I had been wanting a crock pot for YEARS... and Molly knew it, and let me tell you... I abuse the hell outta that thing all winter, every winter. It might be my favorite appliance, second only to my Kitchen Aid mixer which I'd cut a bitch over if someone tried to harm it. So, guess it was ok that Molly broke her promise that time. But I felt horrible that I was never able to give her something that I thought she'd like as much as I love that crock pot.

     As the years have gone by I have wished for nothing more than a gift free holiday. A Christmas where no one but young kids were gettin' gifts. Though, how cool to start them really young to not expect the packages upon packages under the tree on December 25th. As the years have gone by and the stress of the holidays increases (man, they really don't teach you THAT ONE in school!)... all I ever wanted was a stress free Christmas. A gathering of people, friends and family, a good meal and some laughs. Last year I got it. Only a VERY small amount of people got gifts from me... and even those gifts were minimal ('cept for Colin's Wii... though it does make for a funny story to say "I bought Colin a Wii, and he gave me a pair of red converse sneakers that he got at a discount since they came from the store he works at.... and I made a LOUD point of saying "man, these black converse that I wear all the time, in a guy's size 9 would be GREAT in red, don't you think?" (Just for the record, I really wanted those converse, and he DID ask me what I wanted. So, he did indeed get me the perfect gift)  But, Christmas 2008, a bunch of us gathered at my Mom's house on Christmas. Family and friends, people that couldn't afford to get home for the holidays, or had a screwy work schedule and couldn't go home for the holidays. Everyone brought some food... no gifts. It was AMAZING, and exactly what had I wanted.

     See, Christmas sorta lost that "magic" for me in my early 20's. One year I had come home from college and noticed something was definitely wrong at home. My parents were sitting in the family room. Dad in his recliner reading the paper ... and Mom sitting across the room from him on the sofa reading a magazine. No one was speaking. I walked into the room, stood there for a second then sat down and said "ok.. what the fuck is going on here?" (yes, I said that.) My father dropped his paper down to look at me, then looked at my Mother... then back at me and said "Your mother doesn't love me anymore and wants a divorce." My Mom's jaw dropped. I really don't think she expected my Dad to just say it like that. I looked at both of them, told them I'd be back, and grabbed the phone and walked out to the garage. Once I had sat down, and lit about 7 cigarettes in a row, I called the only person I could think to call at that moment. I called Neisha. She was eating dinner with her family, and she asked if she could call me back in like 15 minutes. I said yes, never telling her why I was calling,... then I sat there and smoked like 10 more cigarettes in the freezing cold garage waiting for the phone to never ring. Then I cried.

     I cried because my parents had just told me they were getting divorced. I cried because I had just stopped believing that any relationship could ever last. I cried because my once favorite holiday was now going to be tainted with this memory for the rest of my life.... and I cried because I knew I had to go back inside and say something.
    I decided that it was not in anyone's best interest to remind my parents that the way they met was Christmas tree shopping. See, that year, the year they met... my Mom's Father had to go do rounds at the hospital (he was an eye surgeon) and her Mom was ill... but they needed a Christmas tree. So my Mom's Mother called a family she was friends with, knowing their son, Fraser, was home for the holidays, and asked if he was free to help their daughter, Margo, go pick up a Christmas tree. He was, and he did. On August 17th, 1968, Margo and Fraser got married... and then just hours before Christmas Eve 1993 they announced their divorce. That's some fucked up symmetry right there folks.  So, as you can see... NOT a fan of Christmas.

     I've tried over the years to "get in the spirit." I've decorated... I've gone all out some years... I've wrapped gifts to the extent that people have commented on the elaborate wrapping job more than the gift itself. I've put on red and/green clothes. I've painted freakin' candy canes on my face with eye shadow & glittery eyeliner. I've thrown parties and I've gone to holiday parties........ still hated Christmas. The only thing that ever gave me joy at the holidays was the thought that I might be able to give someone a gift they'd love... but I still never seem to give them the right thing. There is not a much more disappointing feeling than feeling like you have disappointed someone. That's what Christmas is to me... a big fat let down on all fronts.
     Last year I was given hope. Last year I was on top of the fucking world. Last year I had even higher hopes for this Christmas... yeah... those hopes were destroyed mid February 2009... but I'm not gonna talk about that. I've had ENOUGH of that. Those that know me best know what I'm talking about... anyone clueless... just know something supremely sucktastic happened, and we'll leave it that. Seriously, you really don't wanna "go there." (... and neither do I)

    Now that there are just a few short weeks to go before Christmas... weeks filled with Christmas music on every damn radio station, and in every store you enter. Weeks filled with frantic people freaking out over what to buy, who to buy for, how much has been spent, how much should be spent.... but spending $$$$$ no matter what. Weeks filled with trying to decide if it's possible to make it to three Christmas parties in one night. Oh! And then that final week right before Christmas when all the friends and family that have moved away come back and people scramble to see everyone. It's all just so damn stressful. I thrive in chaos, but not stress... does that make sense? Give me a room full of 10 people that need to get to 10 different places, and only 2 cars... I can figure that stuff out NO PROBLEM. Tell me 5 of the people aren't feeling well, 2 of them are injured, 2 of them need my help immediately finishing projects completely unrelated to each other, and 1 of them needs me to bake a three tiered, fully decorated, cake in under three hours... forget it, my brain will explode. *kAbLoOiE*

     Alas... I'm in no mood for Christmas this year.... in fact I wish it could be skipped all together and we could just get to 12:01am Jan. 1st, 2010. Then this whore of a year will be over, Christmas will be over (though, lets face it, 75% of Christmas lights in the neighborhood will be up till at least March)...and we can all really get on our merry way.... the problem is, I don't have a time machine. I've considered stopping Michael J. Fox on the street multiple times (yeah, he lives out here too, part of the year) to ask him where the Delorean from "Back To The Future" is kept... 'cause I'd abuse the !@#$ outta that thing! But I can't change the past... and the future will always remain there.. in the future... so it looks like I am going to have to try something new this year. Maybe I will bother with a tree... maybe I'll make a few gifts, send a few cards.....(I used to send over 250 cards at Christmas, can you believe that?! True story.)... and maybe just maybe I'll find some holiday spirit...... but in the meantime, please know that if I give you something... there WAS thought put into it. I DID pick it out, or make it, JUST for you... and I don't give anyone anything in hopes of receiving anything more than the knowledge that I gave you a smile.
     That said, I'm dead broke... so if I give/make you anything... just call my Mom and ask her how to fake that "thanks for the big gay stick" smile. That woman has it down.


.........and just for the sake of silliness... this entire thing has been written while listening to these songs over and over again.... 'cause they  make me smile:

yeah, I'm a dork.. get over it.. I love that music

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Dear Santa-

Dear Santa-

Hook a sista' up would ya? I'd like the following (I hooked you up and gave you some links too... just sayin'...)

A Vespa: this style, this model, this color...

this book about my friend's Dad:

these bowls from Anthropologie (in black):

a kick ass GPS system for my car:

this book that I've been wanting to read for ages:

this vintage key set from Pottery Barn:

gift certificates for:


this one doesn't need to be wrapped... but a bow might be a nice touch:

(I love me some Benicio Del Toro...)


some Venus Razor refills (those suckers are expensive!):

some "Razor Rinse" from Ritual:

a plane ticket to Scotland:

(this is the wee post office/shop where I'd walk over and get my Sunday paper each week when I lived there.)

a plane ticket to Seattle:

(so I can see my friend Dave P.)

a ticket to Chicago:

(my hometown)

The winning lottery numbers....

a variety case of really yummy red wine (heavy on the pinot noir please):

a new laptop... specifically a 17" macbook pro (with all the bells & whistles):

(I know, looks just like the one I already have... only not almost 10 years old)

.... and I'd also appreciate it if you (Santa) would make sure that ALL my friends (moreover a few specifically) got everything they wanted and needed this year. I've learned that if they're not happy, I'm not happy... so do us both a favor and hook them up first, m'kay? Thanks... and Merry Christmas dude. The glass of scotch I'm leaving out for you this year is a good one, sip... don't chug.


PS. Please remember I am a single female... living on an ISLAND...so, as many of these as you can fit in my stocking would be greatly appreciated: