Monday, September 26, 2011

(Not Exactly 50) First Dates: Dates Two & Three

Date #2 was just plain ridiculous. We met up on the mainland for lunch, his idea.  He was new to the Cape and looking to meet new people.... I figured he'd be interesting. He and I had both lived in multiple locations that were eerily similar. At one point we discovered that we lived only two blocks away from each other in Chicago... in TWO different locations (Roscoe Village & Rogers Park).

Silly me thought this might bode well for us. Thinking we had some things in common that not a lot of others I had met had. We even liked a lot of the same music, the same books, and he listed two of my all time favorite movies as his top two ("Rosencrantz & Guildenstern Are Dead" & "The Big Chill")... alas, that is where the similarities ended.

Let me backtrack for a moment here and say that I am VERY upfront about my height. I am also quite open about not being interested in someone significantly shorter than I am. I realize that on line most guys tend to add an inch or two to their height. Basically a 5'8 guy will say he's 5'10, a 5'9 guy will say he's 5'11, a 5'10 guy will say he's 6'....this goes on and on (always adding an inch or two) till they are about 6'1.

THIS guy said he was 6'3. Let me assure all of you, he was not 6'3. He was not even 5'8 to be honest. I could see clear over his head. Awkwaaaard.

Upon meeting in person:
Him: So, I guess you're wondering why I lied a little about my height?
Me: A little?
Him: You just seemed so cool and pretty, I really wanted the chance to meet you in person.
Me: I'm almost flattered, but I really don't appreciate being lied to.
Him: You wouldn't have gone on this date with me if you knew how tall I was.
Me: Well, to be fair, I probably wouldn't have if it were based on stats alone, but I thought you were kinda great, THAT supersedes the height thing every time.
Him: Yeah? (*smiles*) So where would you like to go for lunch?
(*ferry boat behind me is 2 minutes from leaving to go back to the island*)
Me: My place.
Him: Huh?
Me: Lying to me tops the list of why I wouldn't go on a date with you. Well done. You made it to the top.

...and I spun on my heels (not high heels, just my actual heels since I was in flat shoes) and walked back to the ferry boat, boarded it, and pulled the newspaper I had been reading on the way over back out of my purse, took a pen out... and before we docked on the Vineyard I had finished the crossword puzzle.

Three hours later I got a text message from him that just said "I'm sorry."

All I could think was "yeah, me too."

An hour or so after that I got a message from someone else. Not a text message, an actual message on the on line dating site I was currently tryin' out.

The guy was witty. He made some random obscure references that were right up my alley, and lo and behold, homeboy was 6'5. Well, that's what he claimed his height was at least.

I know I seem to say it a lot, and height is NOT the most important thing to me, but lying about it is lame, and I am so sick of feeling like "the dude" on multiple occasions. Unless you've experienced this yourself, it's very hard to fully understand. I do know some women that are taller, even much taller, than their significant others... and they are not only cool with it, they like it. I will, however, also say that these men they are dating/married to are so beyond bad ass it's kinda retarded. Not to say that if you're really tall it's okay to be a total dumb ass with no personality, intelligence or sense of humor... but I'll be honest, it sure as shit doesn't hurt.

I replied to the message, we wrote back and forth for a few days & exchanged cell phone #'s. When we spoke on the phone I found myself exceptionally grateful that a)he didn't talk like Mike Tyson, & b) he wasn't British.  (I would have been more than okay with him being Scottish though, that accent is what narrates my dreams)

He offered to drive down to where the ferry boat docks on the mainland
(*insert ominous music here*)
I said yes.

I bought my return ticket in advance again this time, and brought a book. Worst case scenario? I would have 2 1/2 hours of freedom to read if this turned out to be a similar situation to the last brief (er.. uh... short?) date. I love to read, so win/win eh?

He greeted me at the end of the ramp where passengers disembark, and he had not lied about his height. (THANK YOU!) We smiled, and had that 5 second moment of "do we shake hands? Do we hug? Do we kiss a cheek?"... all playing out via thought bubbles.  We hugged briefly, and started to walk towards town.

It was an oddly breezy/chilly day and he mentioned that his car was close by if I wanted his jacket he left in the front seat. (*Mental note: gold star for chivalry, dude!) He then asked if there was anywhere in particular that I might like to go... I just shrugged and said "I rarely eat around here, and only know of one place that I am certain has good food", so we went there.
After ordering and sitting down to wait for our food he asked me if there was "anywhere [I'd] like to go?" Again I told him that I rarely spent much time in this part of the Cape. It was just a place where I would wait in/with my car to catch a ferry boat home.
Then he asks me "what kind of fun things are there to do?"
AGAIN I remind him that I live on the island and his guess would be as good as mine, unless he wanted to go to Walmart and source out some good deals on toiletries & cleaning supplies.
"Would you like to go there?" he asked me.
"To Walmart?!"
"Yeah, sure, why not?"
"I know it's not a typical "date thing" to do, but... it could be fun"
*he starts to laugh*
*I can't help myself and start to giggle*
"No, but I'd be really happy to hit a CVS" I told him.

After we finished our meals... we went to CVS. He was totally cute, more than a little charming (but not in a smarmy "I'm trying to get something out of you" way), and I was genuinely enjoying my time with him.

We wandered up and down the aisles, poking fun at the ridiculous items for sale... I had started a mini pile of toiletries in my hands that I knew I couldn't buy back home, and especially at the awesome prices I could get them at CVS. He tried to make fun of me by asking if I'd ever wear the bright orange nail polish I had in my hands...
"You do realize you're asking someone with fuchsia hair if she'd wear orange nail polish, right?"
"You're right, want me to go grab you some of the blue too?" he smiled. A very sweet smile.
Conversation was easy with this guy, he was smart, he was funny, he had impecible comedic timing. He knew the most random obscure things... which totally jives with my plethoric knowledge of random & useless facts. (Did you know the name of the street The Brady Bunch lived on was Clinton Ave? Did you know that cat pee glows under black light? Well, now you do.) I loved that he and I were so similar in that respect. It was just funny. The hour or so spent wandering around CVS laughing till we had tears in our eyes was so much fun... till we hit the periodicals section.

I picked up a copy of one of the many home decor type magazines and flipped through quickly as he stood there with a not so pleasant look on his face.
"What's the matter?" I asked him
"This!.. What's with this shit?" he asked... to no one & everyone.... as he points to a row of magazines.
"What do you mean?" ... I really had no idea what he was talking about.
"Why are all these black magazines here? Why are there so many black people on the covers of these?" he said.
I stood there waiting for the punchline to a shitty joke..... and it never came.
"Are you serious?" I whispered
"Yes, yes I am... what's with this shit? Why are they everywhere?!"
I looked at the items in my hands, decided that there really wasn't time to take a pen & paper out of my purse and write an apology to whichever CVS employee would find the moisturizer, lip gloss, orange nail polish, and purse sized bottle of hairspray saying:

"I don't know" I said... and placed my stuff on the shelf in front of me, reached in my purse to pull out the ferry schedule and said "but what I do know is that I need to head back to the ferry or I'll miss the last boat tonight...."
"I thought the last boat was at 8pm or something like that?"
"Yeah, stupid me, I read the schedule wrong, I forgot they were changing things this week... best get a move on. I can come back for the stuff another time."
"Oh, okay. Bummer."
"Wanna go out again next weekend?" he asked me, walking to the front door of CVS.
It felt like forever as the multitude of answers played out in my head... all of them ending with "no way Jose!"... though, his name was obviously not "Jose"... so even that comment could have sparked controversy....
As we got into his car I chose "Next weekend? Oh! I can't! I'm scheduled to cover a shift for someone at work, sucks, eh?"
"Yeah, I had a good time with you, you're awesome."
So awesome that I will go on a date with a fucking racist... I thought to myself.
"Thank you, that's very kind of you to say" I replied and willed my cell phone to ring/beep/make any sort of noise so that I could be momentarily distracted as we drove back to the ferry.... by some miracle, thanks to a random facebook notification, it made the telltale sound of something coming through on my phone.
He laughed at the fact that it was a sound bite of "R2D2"... I just smiled and said "excuse me for a moment, I need to check this and make sure it's not work related." Fact is it was just a friend commenting on a picture I was tagged in.... but HE didn't need to know that.

We got back to the boat in record time, and when he asked me where he should park so he could wait with me I told him "Oh don't be silly, if you leave now you'll avoid the traffic. I'll be fine, the boat will be here any minute."
He gave me a strange look, and as I got out of the car he called out to me by name and said

"Did I do something wrong?"

I looked at him and then turned my head to see the ferry boat pulling into the dock. I knew I wouldn't be able to get on it till the cars and passengers were unloaded first... and I must admit, I was kinda freaked out by the idea of what this guy might say or do if I told him the truth... then I noticed two people waiting to get on the next ferry boat. Two fairly large & heavily tattooed gentlemen that I had met and talked to at length with the weekend before at my job managing the motorcycle shop. They noticed me too. (At 5'11, with fuchsia hair, I'm kinda hard to miss) and waved back... I turned back to "my date," feeling a strange sense of security, and said:
"Yeah... yes you did. Dude, you're a freakin' racist. I want no part of that. Please lose my number." I turned and walked towards the men on their motorcycles with a smile on my face, no idea what Roger Racist had to say, and no inclination to care either.

Sunday, September 18, 2011

(Not Exactly 50) First Dates: Date One

I'm trying. I'm REALLY trying. I swear..... but I just can't seem to find someone that I have that same *insta-click* with like I did with the ex.
I realize it's a bit harder seeing as how I live on this island, and almost anyone here that is single is pretty much single for a reason. Then, of course, there are those that are single whom I consider good friends and the idea of dating them is just ridiculous because of that.
So, I've caved in & tried the internet thing again.

 A few months back, at the start of the summer, I had met someone kind of interesting. We exchanged a few messages, eventually our cell phone #s, and after about a week made plans to get together.

I will say upfront that he was indeed very nice, polite, smart, and tall... but the fact that he was so excited to come out to the island for the day kinda put me off.

Maybe I'm wrong, but when meeting up with someone for a first date, someone you might have the potential of forming a relationship with... you probably should try to STFU about the fact that you are so excited you can scratch "visit Martha's Vineyard" off your list of things to do.

I felt like a freakin' tour guide for the majority of the day. He arrived on the island around lunch time, and didn't leave till the sun was setting. I think I managed to show him every town on the island, every spot most tourists want to see, and put at least 150 miles on my car that day.

Sure, he was nice. Yes, we had some fun conversation... but there was something in the back of my mind just naggin' at me to get the day over with. Might have started when he told me that women seem to love his accent. Yeah, you guessed it... millions of men out there and the first one I agree to a date with is from England. At least, as a scouser, he had a different accent from the ex. I kinda didn't even notice his accent till he found ways to mention the fact that he had one, repeatedly. Sorta like I'd suddenly say "OMG! You have the sexiest voice!" (He didn't.)
Oh, and the other thing was when we were chatting about what it was we wanted in relationships (sounds more heavy than it was, the conversation was very lighthearted), I told him about the time my friend Doug proclaimed: "Thing is...YOU don't date spheres... you need someone with an edge." Know what ScouserMan said? "Oh, but I have an edge!" ... Dude, the fact that you just had to let me know that you have an edge kinda means you don't... sorry.

Right before he left the island that evening he told me he had a really nice time with me and would love to get together again. I smiled and said "that would be nice", knowing full well I'd probably never do it.  He txt'd a few times, I replied a few times, it was all rather pointless.

About a month or so after the date I get this text message from him and it read:

Wow... seriously? I wasn't really sure how to take that. We went on that first date back at the end of June..."About 20 other dates"? 20 other dates in less than 5 weeks? 2 of which I knew he was away on business, and the fact that he only had Saturdays and Sundays free?  Sorry, but homeboy has GOT to be lying. Well Casanova...  thanks but no thanks. I appreciated the sideways compliment, and more or less said as much... but I'm all set there. NEXT!

*Stay tuned for the date known as "Mr. Perfect For Me" 'cept for one minor major detail...

Didley Squat

I really haven't had much time this summer to write... and I gotta tell you, it's killin' me. I don't just mean my blog, or visiting yours... but writing to write. It's something I love, and now it's something I truly miss. Problem now is that when I do have an hour or so free... my brain goes to mashed bananas and I can't think of anything to write.
There are times when I just want to vent frustrations, or bitch up a storm... or seek some consoling for something awful that has happened/is happening... or maybe I'm just in the mood to share a story.... but for the most part I've got nothin'. A big heapin' pile of jack shit.
LUCKILY Starlight over at her blog Crazy Thoughts was kind enough to tag me in a post that now gave me something to write about... so without further ado... and because my lame ass has put this off long we go: 

I am apparently supposed to answer these seven questions about my blog via links to my blog ... so....

1)    Your most beautiful moment: I can't explain why.... I really can't... (ok.. won't)  but this post would be it.

2)    A post that didn't get the attention you thought it deserved : oh, that's easy... this one (it didn't get one single comment, which makes me think no one read it :( ... and it was like the most excellent thing that had happened to me in I don't know how long.

3)    Your most popular blog post: well, according to blogger... it's this one: "Porn & Gambling". I find it funny because I wrote the post as a joke... sorta like a filler really.

4)    Your most controversial blog post is called : "Brains" and I don't think it was overly controversial... but some dude decided to go all religious on me... which I found more than a little funny.

5)    Your most helpful post: I really don't think I have any that are "helpful", you know? I guess the closest I came was with a post that a lot of people couldn't wrap their heads around. Even though I tried to choose my words carefully and make people understand that the LAST thing I was looking for was validation of any sort.... people still had some whacked out theory that I was fishing for compliments etc. The only thing that saved me from deleting that post altogether was that private messages came to me via email from others that read it and fully understood because they suffered, or were currently suffering, from the same thing. No one wants another to feel bad, but sometimes knowing that someone else is able to fully empathise with what you're going through can truly help with the process of moving past it.

6)    A post whose success surprised me: I honestly don't know. I mean I really don't know. Guess I need a better definition of "success."

7)    The post I am most proud of is:
my first one here "Beach Day" I had 4... yes FOUR other blogs... all of them crap... three of them just pointless stuff really, and one where I poured my heart out. I kept that one private. Only like two or three people had access. Sorta just a diary really. That is what this blog has been for me at times... and this one is still rather pointless, but I do enjoy it when I have the time to sit and write. I'm not proud of it for any reason other than it's proof (to me) that I CAN just throw out the garbage when needed.

Now I am supposed to tag some people whose answers I'd like to see.... and you know what? Totally doin' it :)

1) Cake Betch

Sunday, September 11, 2011

Saturday In The Park...It Wasn't On The 4th Of July

On the off chance that anyone was wondering which I chose.... and to be honest I have no idea why anyone would... but I am totally that type of person that would be oddly dying to know... I went with....
this dress

these shoes.... until my feet just said "oh hell no!"... then I switched....
to these flip flops... that weirdly enough matched the dress perfectly....
plus my oddly sparkly purse...that barely holds anything worthwhile, but I'll be damned if it ain't cute as hell!

PLUS My favorite pendant around my neck (it's called a druzy, & it's kinda massive... and epic)... and I pretty much want to wear it all the time, every day... but that'd take all the fun out of people asking "holy shit! what is that?!"

and .... ready for the big reveal? My hot date, Doug.......

....who is topping my list of favorite human beings for life, snapped this shot of me on our way to the wedding:

The bride was perfection... as always... and even in the candid shots she looked like the model she was a few years ago:
So... there ya go. ♥

Monday, September 5, 2011


I am a gnostic atheist.
I do not believe in god, any god, but I welcome anyone to give me proof that one exists. I also believe that trying to prove a god exists is right up there with proving the Illuminati into reality. Knowing this about myself makes it impossible (a self imposed impossibility I guess) for me to request "prayers" for someone or something. That said, I will NEVER deny someone the right to request them, or give them, to others or myself.
(click to enlarge)
 News of the worst kind has burst into my world, and I am helpless to do anything but care very deeply. 

The hurricane that grazed this wee island I live on last weekend thankfully did very little damage here. Nothing that wasn't remedied within' days, if not hours... yet the damage it did to a close friend in upstate New York put our petty "loss of power for a few hours" into some serious perspective.
His business, his livelihood, disappeared under 5' of water. All computers, files, books, paperwork.... EVERYTHING... unsalvageable. Throw in the fact that the area is not on a floodplain, and therefor insurance doesn't cover one dime of his loss... well... yeah... it gets worse.
His business partner, who is married with children, lost his entire house. GONE. Wiped off the planet, nothing spared but his family. Yes, that IS the most important part, but... again... yeah... wtf.
Today news came in that the same friend, whose business partner lost his home, who lost his business, has now been told that his father's cancer has spread and his time here has a much closer departure date than anticipated.
It is too late for miracles; it is too late to save what has been lost, or will be lost... but my very strong belief in Noetic Science tells me to ask everyone to focus.
With all that you have, even if just for a few moments, keep this person in your thoughts. His family. His sister that has just advanced her wedding date forward by about 6 months so that she can know her father will be with her. With those thoughts, focus on the heartfelt desire that their current and impending pain will be bearable. That they will be able to find the light at the end of the tunnel without sacrifice of well being. Just keep these strangers, to you, in your heart... even if only till you get to the last sentence I type here tonight.
For that, I thank you. From the very bottom off my often cynical, fairly un-pc,  slightly damaged, and yet always goofy heart... I thank you. ♥
this is from a few years ago, but I love this picture of the two of us...