Wednesday, April 6, 2011

The Only Thing We Have To SPAM Is SPAM Itself

Are you totally sick of SPAM? I don't think I'll ever get tired of it. For some reason it's kinda endlessly amusing to me. Sure, back in the "olden days," you know, when we all pretty much only had AOL and it took like 10 minutes just to get on line... and you were probably charged per minute for that too, getting SPAM was SO annoying. There was no way to filter it.... But now places like Google have taken it up a notch and not only filter it all out, and give you a wee fiesta for a moment....

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but they put it all in the same place, and let you delete it all at once! Though, I am seriously considering starting a petition that would make google set off like fireworks or glitter or something festive each time the "Hooray, no spam here!" appears. How awesome would THAT be? Seriously.

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(make fun of my goofy (literally, eh?) self portrait all you like, I think it's funny too.  I'll never be able to create the awesome stuff Cake Betch does, but I don't even have a mouse, let alone half her talent at this stuff. I do everything on the wee "tickle pad" as I call it... I have no idea what it's actually called...)

Some of the SPAM that appears in my inbox is so bad I get the feeling that after they write out their idiotic letters they just go to babblefish to (try to) translate it.... 'cause there is pretty much no other way to explain the stupidity that oozes from the crap that arrives daily.

My Mother was an English teacher and because of her I find myself either spending ages editing and checking for punctuation/spelling errors in everything I read/write, or I just go ahead and enjoy the whole "I don't give a rats ass" concept of just lettin' it go and typing in my own vernacular. I think I'm a fairly even combo of the two. I'll happily call someone an asshat fucktard, but I'll manage use a semicolon when I continue to tell them why they should go eat a bag of dicks. (Gawwwd I can be so feminine sometimes, eh? ;p )

All that said.. guess what I got earlier? Oh this one is fantastic! Did I follow my usual MO (modus operandi) to write back? Ohhh you betcha!!

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Dear Respectfully, 
My name is Anabelle Webb, sorry for the medium by which I am sending this message to your esteemed self. Work with me for an over discounted Bank Guarantee on a United Nation Contract projects in Dafur, Sudan, Pakistan, Afghanistan, Iraqi, Ethiopia, Indonesia and Haiti which has duly been completed and commissioned and you will receive 30% of the total value. details will be furnished to you when you indicate your interest in partnering with me in this life time venture. Please contact me urgently.
Yours Sincerely, 
Annabelle Webb
Let's break this one down shall we?

Dear Respectfully, Well, um.. ok... I guess that's a sign of respect to tell me I'm your "dear", but I must say... I feel a little awkward about it. We don't really know each other yet. Though, I have a feeling I will be wanting to contact you in a most urgent manner shortly so I can obtain whatever amazing thing you are offering me!

My name is Anabelle Webb, Hi Annabelle! sorry for the medium by which I am sending this message Wow! You hired a psychic to help you find me? That's Amaaaaazing! No need to apologize, but if they are still there, could you ask them to pass on a few messages to some dearly departed ones? I miss my Grandma. to your esteemed self. Wait, are you saying YOU admire me, or you think I hold myself in esteem? 'Cause that's a lil' presumptuous Annabelle, don't you think? Work with me didn't your Mother teach you to say "please"? for an over discounted "OVER DISCOUNTED"?! WOAH! Bank Guarantee on a United Nation Contract Golly, this sure sounds important and legit to me! projects in Dafur, Hold up, wait...There's a place called "Dafur"?! Really? No way!?! Is it populated with teddy bears?!!! God I hope so! I bet that would be the MOST fabulous place to be on earth! Unlike Darfur, where there is a war waged by the Sudanese government against the non-Arab indigenous population and the region has been in a state of humanitarian emergency since 2003, just sayin'..., Sudan, Pakistan, Afghanistan, Iraqi,  Just one? One dude from Iraq? Hmm... I wonder if he's as hot as "Sayid" from that TV show LOST.  If it's him, and if he's shirtless... say no more! Count me in!  Ethiopia, Indonesia and Haiti which has duly been completed and commissioned Sooo you're telling me that this project, and it's OVER discounted bank guarantee has been completed according to ALL proper procedures and laws? Yowzers Annabelle, that IS impressive! and you will receive 30% of the total value. Is this 30% of the total value before or after the over discounted bank guarantee?  details will be furnished to you when you indicate your interest in partnering with me in this life time venture. Oh, right, ok then... I'll get right on that. Please contact me urgently. Jeebus Annabelle! Quit bein' so pushy! I get that this is waaay important, but there is no need to be so bossy. I have a feeling a lil' vacay in Dafur with all those cuddly teddy bears would do you a world of good.

Yours Sincerely, I'm sure.

Annabelle Webb Annabelle, did you know that if I google your name the first thing that comes up tells me you have a facebook profile?! This is awesome! I am soooo gonna send you a friend request! We're gonna totally be BFFs I just know it!! Talk to ya soon my new bestie!!!
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PS. Just noticed your subject line... and Annabelle... honey, you'll be waiting a while.


  1. Spam never ceases to be amazingly stupid, so even though you know it's stupid, when it comes you're still blown away by how stupid it is.

    BTW your picture is awesome amazing! What are you talking about, can't draw.... have you SEEN my blog, ever?

  2. that last scene had me cracking up! Some spam is hilarious. Especially the ones that pretend they know you. The blog is equally amusing!

  3. Cake Betch- uh.. yeah... I might have visited your blog once or twice... ;p... and I freakin' LOVE the artwork you do, cracks me up every time. Guess this could be much like your comment on the other post, where we basically judge ourselves based on what we like in others...
    Sorta like how I paint (watercolor) and I don't find anything I do to be all that great, but it's because the artwork I love most looks NOTHING like what I do (example: Ivan Albright ♥ him!!)

    Rebecca Louise- Thank you so much for stopping by! I am always (Like REALLY ALWAYS) all sorts of happy when someone new stops by and decides to read/follow my blog. It honestly makes my day when the "followers" # goes up even by one! (How lame does that sound? Probably REALLY lame to anyone that doesn't write a blog...)
    Anyway, happy to know I amused you. THAT, in and of itself, makes my day too ♥

  4. Lol...qwll, what can I say...I just got a job offer in my spam mail which asked me to deposit money into their account...let's just say that that got me using a few words I normally do not use....

  5. caterpillar- Totally feels good doesn't it?!