Thursday, December 24, 2009

If It Ain't Broke, Don't Fix It

Yesterday I spent the morning wondering why people call it a ''new lease on life''... and posed the question to my friends via facebook status. Seriously, can you lease it? After a few years do you have an option to buy? Is it so expensive that people just say "naaa, forget it, I don't need a life" or why they claim to sell their soul? Is it more cost efficient? If I get a ''new lease on life'' do I then get added insurance and the opportunity to trade up in a few years? AND where is the nearest life dealership? What if my credit score is bad? Do I have to get a crappy life? Can I just buy a used one? What if two people wanna split the cost? Do you have to share your life? Or do you each get a half assed life? I'm gonna need some answers.

My friend Brad asked "Are you jockying to take Andy Rooney's job?? ;-P "

My reply was that no, it was a legit question. I actually woke up with it running through my head... so I figured I'd ask if anyone knew why the hell it was called that. Besides, I'm (according to 99% of facebook statuses today) the only one NOT stressed about Christmas.

According to the dictionary on my computer, if you type "lease"... you get this:

lease |lēs|
a contract by which one party conveys land, property, services, etc., to another for a specified time, usually in return for a periodic payment.
verb [ trans. ]
grant (property) on lease; let : she leased the site to a local company.
• take (property) on lease; rent : land was leased from the city.

a new lease on life: a substantially improved
chance to lead a happy or successful life.

Ok... but "a substantially improved CHANCE" ... !?!?
WTF? Where's my guarantee? Where's the small print that tells me my new lease on life comes with benefits, and insurance that it won't suck as hard as the life I traded in to get a new one? Or does a new lease on life come with no guarantee? Maybe it'd be best to keep the old, already paid for, still working, life but shell out the funds to give life a tune up? Replace some old parts, replenish fluids, and possibly a new paint job? I'm starting to think that a new lease on life is a scam. I'll be keeping my eyes open for emails arriving from unknown sources promising me one "for the bargain basement price of your old life".... yeah, no thanks... I'll just make a new years resolution to be better at making fast repairs and scheduled tune ups.

The status following that read as follows:

Gillian is NOT getting a new lease on life. After much thought and consideration, I think it's a scam. My "old life" is perfectly good, works fine, and is paid for. Clearly all I need to do is take my current life in more often for some minor repairs and tune ups. I may not be new and shiny, but in a few more years... I might very well be a collectors item.

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