Sunday, July 3, 2011

Taser Toes

I just can't deal with the stupidity of tourists. The stupidity of people in general is bad enough, but the tourists- especially on holiday weekends like this one- are a breed unto themselves. How they are even allowed out in public w/out supervision is now totally beyond me.

Today I was ready to punch more than half of them. The inability to read simple signs; the constant questions that, if they thought about what/who they were asking they would realize how stupid the question is; the whining about things that the person they are whining to has ZERO control over... the list goes on & on.....

Truth is I usually just take it all with a smile, laugh it off, and go on about my day. Today, however, I was in a  HORRIBLE mood. No real reason why, not one I can think of anyway. I did try to cheer up... I kept wracking my brain trying to think of what put me in such a craptastic mood.... NOTHIN'.... I couldn't figure it out.

I kept trying to knock the shit mood out of my system. I went and got a pedicure in lieu of a lunch break... and after deciding that summer would be better if all the island residents were issued Tasers or stun guns, I decided to try to make myself laugh and had my friend paint my toes in a rather unusual way....a way that I am now calling "Taser Toes"... the idea being that my "taser toes" are flippin' off the dumb tourists with every step.... can you guess which one's they are? :)

I drank a TON of caffeinated beverages, I even ate breakfast, & a grilled chicken salad later in the day... I wasn't hungry....nothing was helping.... right up until my day finally ended and I signed out at work and went to go spend a few minutes with a friend that works in the same building right next to my wee office... and together we witnessed what might possibly go down in history as the dumbest thing said/asked this summer...& believe me, we get some real winners on a regular basis...all day long.

A woman came over to the window and said, in broken English, (*while pointing towards the large park behind her where dozens of Queen Anne style Victorian homes sit*) 

"that house, the pretty one by the park, who do I talk to about renting it... is there a person I can rent it from?" ...ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?! She just asked a ticket agent at the Steamship Authority, the people who take the cars/people on & off the island, how to rent a house... and who to rent it from? 
Let's put this in analogical perspective: Imagine going into a movie theater and when you get to the ticket agent, you ask them if they would reupholster your sofa. OR... you go to the grocery store, and when it's time to pay, you ask if they could blow dry your hair.... yeah, like that.

It's weird enough that people ask those that live here all about the bus system I drive, walk, or hitch hike - I've NEVER taken the bus here. They ask us about hotels/inns... um... I stay at my house. They ask where the best place to eat is, and I just say "my kitchen, it's all I can afford." I DO get it, they are lost here, they don't know where anything is, and most of us, most of the time, are more than happy to answer any questions we can... but sometimes you have to wonder why they whoooooshed by those brightly painted, brochure filled, and constantly staffed, information booths in each town. I know they want "local" opinions ... but they seem to not realize that most of us that live here can't really afford to live here. I've just finished a 76+ hr work week as of 8pm tonight... 12 of those hours today alone.... so....

I came VERY close to saying to the crazy "how do I rent that house" lady "yeah, that's my house, gimme $10,000 cash and you can have it through Thursday." ... instead I started laughing so hard I began to fall out of the chair I was sitting in. Bad day officially OVER.


  1. When I worked for Big Bear in the bakery I had a customer ask me once how many people a dozen donuts would feed.

    Stupid questions are always good for a laugh.

  2. Ahhh good to know that all the stupid people aren't here this weekend ;) Good luck with that and try not break anyones neck bones ! Hope tomorrow is better for you. Happy 4th!

  3. Stupid people, at the time of their stupidity, are ridiculously annoying .... but later... I almost always appreciate the laugh. Granted it's at their expense, but that's what they get for bein' so damn stupid.

  4. Another way of looking at it might be.
    The stupidity of previously intelligent people (they made it out of the house after all) who have become tourists?

    A PHD funding proposal. I offer to travel to ALL the worlds tourist hotspots and conduct intensive research over, shall we say a 10 year period, and find out just what causes this oft remarked upon phenomenon

    worth asking

  5. SBW: good luck with that, let me know how it works out for you.... and by all means, share your data :)

  6. I worked in a box office at a movie theater NYC and you would have thought the sign above my head read: Tourist Information Here. Blech.

    What really chaps my hide are the tourists who, when reaching ground level after exiting a busy tube stop (read: Bond St.) then take a moment to get their bearings and wonder what the best route is to get to Selfridges. If I had the chutzpah, I'd yell, "Step to the fuckin' side, people!"