The Sounds Of Silence

Should your average person be able to witness a typical night in my home, they might think it was deathly quiet, and nothing of consequence .... but I don't think they'd hear what I hear every night before I try to go to sleep....

It begins with the *dull rolling* sound of a can as it slides across the ridged bottom of the refrigerator drawer ...
the metallic *pop* followed by a muted *fizz* as the tab top is pulled back and pushed in and *carbonation is released* ...
the sloppy resonance of the first sip, so as to save any of the liquid that may have escaped when the top was popped...
the *tiny crunch* sound as a dent is placed in the can ...
shortly thereafter the *clink* of the tall shot glass as it's retrieved from the top shelf above the sink ...
the *muted ping* of the glass placed on the wood surface of the counter in preparation ...
the released *whoosh* of frozen air as the freezer door is opened ....
the dull *clank* of the glass bottle as it's taken from the shelf in the door ...
the *jingling* sound made as the cap is twisted off ...
the *thin liquid sound* as it fills the shot glass ...
the crossover *shuffle step* as equilibrium is almost lost - then righted as the shot is taken in one *gulp* ...
the *clank* of the glass being placed to the left of the sink to lay in wait for the next time ...
the sound of *footsteps* towards the front door where the cigarettes are kept ...
the *scratch* of the thin cardboard as the top is slid back and a cigarette is removed ....
the *flick* or two of a lighter ...
the *muted crackle* of ignition as the first drag is taken ....
another *stumble* and then a *shuffle step* to remain upright ...
the *click* of the screen door latch as the door *slides* open across the flooring, followed by *slow steps* out onto the wooden porch ...
*mumbling* is often heard, sometimes it's unclear if it's to himself, or if he's on his phone ...
then SILENCE.... brief moments of silence follow ...
then more *uncertain steps* along the wooden deck leading back to the front door ...
the screen door latch *clicks* open ...
there is an *almost noisy abridged falter in balance* .....
sometimes a *thunk* or a *thud* ....
the door fully opens with a *swish* across the floor ...
*steps* committed to memory pilot him to back to the refrigerator ....
and then the *dull rolling* sound of the can as it slides across the ridged bottom of the refrigerator drawer ...
the metallic *pop* followed by a muted *fizz* as the tab top is pulled back and pushed in and *carbonation is released*.......
ad nauseam.......

I often wonder if anyone really knows, or for that matter even cares (& I am not even talking about just me) what the main cause of my insomnia is, or why I rarely want to have a drink, or am often sickened by those that try in vain to carry on with "normality" when they are drunk and slurring their words. Maybe it might explain why I am open to always having the TV on as a sound buffer?

Because on the nights I strive for silence my efforts are fruitless.... instead I get another night of sadness, worry, and the conscious knowledge that it's useless.