Shhhhhhhhhh!!

This island is slowly killing me, and no matter who I say this to... no one is ever able to just listen. Why can't a person just vent her fucking frustrations and have someone say "that sucks, I'm sorry to hear you're going through something so shitty"? Everyone has to suggest what THEY think works for THEM and therefor must work for me. they always think they can "fix" things with completely useless and/or thoughtless suggestions.

By thoughtless I mean the things that are said that clearly no thought was put into. Like if one more fucking person tells me I should go for a long walk/hike... I am going to do it right the fuck off a cliff, and have the person who suggested the hike take the lead. Seriously, do you know me AT ALL? Have you ever heard me utter the words "hey, let's go hiking this weekend!" No? you haven't?... well... there is a good reason for that: It bores the piss outta me and I don't enjoy it one bit. I might like & appreciate nature ... but I am not the hippie dippy chick some of you tend to think I am just because I spent a lot of time on tour with the Grateful Dead in college. I still say that, other than the narcs in the parking lot, I was probably the only one on tour that showered a minimum of once a day, shaved all the "appropriate parts" daily... and would take a hotel room over a tent in a heartbeat. I'm not high maintenance... I just enjoy a few things known as creature comforts and good hygiene.

What I don't like are the people that think they know what is best for me when it comes to just about everything under the sun. Like the cold I have right now... (and any I have had in the past, though this is only the second one since last March)

Most know the ground rules of sickness:

 • feed a cold/starve a fever

• keep up the liquids

• large doses of vitamin C are a good thing

• zinc can help

• echinacea only works at the start of symptoms and shouldn't be taken daily when not sick - though not enough people know that one. (and to be honest I don't believe that crap works AT ALL anyway)

• stay rested

• do not go out spreading your germs (again, not enough people follow this one)

• hot showers DO help congestion

• rolls of soft toilet paper are far superior to boxes of tissues when you are blowing your nose every nano second of every day.

What many don't know is this:

• your great grandmother's recipe for something asinine like ginger & radish tea is not only gross, but useless.
• I put ZERO stock in homeopathic remedies. I have never had something like an organic cucumber sandwich clear my sinuses as fast as that Holy Grail known as Sudafed®

Please stop suggesting I harvest things under the full moon and boil them with organic root vegetables while crushing horse pills & mango fucking leaves with a mortar & pestle. For real. I do not believe in homeopathic medicine. There is VERY little in that realm I trust. Not to say I trust the things the drug companies put out there either... but I'll be damned if those suckers don't give me results. I'm no longer worried about the potential eventual consequences of taking them. Just being born in the early 70's in America is enough to know that I am destined to die from unnatural causes someday.

We have grown up in an era like no other... our generation started out on the slightly healthier side... and then *kAbLaMo* drug companies and artificial sweeteners and chemically "enhanced" foods came out en masse. Sure, I try my very best to eat as organically as possible... though you will only be able to pry the Strawberry Twizzlers® from my cold dead hands (seriously, try it, I'll fucking bite you).... and I stay away from soda, I never had a thing for the regular stuff anyway, I only liked diet sodas, they tasted better to me (mmmm artificial sweetener...mmmmm) ... but I did cave and buy some Fresca® at the grocery store yesterday... 'cause it's freakin' delicious, and I'm sick right now, so back the fuck off!

Then there is the whole thing about money. Everyone seems to think that if I just go to a different store I will be able to save $$$. If I can find certain things... I can save $$$. News Flash! I LIVE ON AN ISLAND!!! Just GETTING to a Home Depot costs (depending on the season) between $100 to $150. (round trip tickets for the car on the ferry boat + gas... not to mention that, depending on the day of the week, there is potential $$ being lost just by leaving the island for the day if you are employed or employ others) So... telling me I can easily find something at a Trader Joes will get you nothing but a sneer from me. Do you know where the nearest Trader Joes is? FUCKING HYANNIS! An hour and a half away.

All the food co-ops people suggest... guess what? It's cheaper to buy things, ORGANIC things, at the grocery store. People here charge an arm and a leg because, well, it's grown HERE. I'd attempt to have a vegetable garden myself... but I can't grow anything in my yard till my psycho neighbors cut back their trees, or i can find the $$ to hire someone to do it. I ran into a friend of mine that does it for a living the other day and asked him if he'd barter for fresh lasagna and beer... he said "we'll talk." So, while I am wishful, I'm not hopeful.

As for just selling my house and just gettin' "the hell outa Dodge"... oh believe me, I want to... but not in this economy, and not in the state my house currently is. I'd have to put about $15 to $20,000 into it to get every penny it's worth... and seeing as how I don't even have $100 right now..... yeah, not gonna happen. On the upside, as is, I could sell this dump for $200,000 MORE than what I paid for it... but fixed... it's worth A LOT more. (New windows, new roof, new ceilings, proper kitchen, rewiring of all the electric, landscaping overhaul, replace the deck (AGAIN), ... the list goes on...) So, while I get it.. I say "I want to leave this island" & you say "then sell your house and go"... well, that right there is the epitome of "easier said than done. Then of course it begs the question "where to go next?" ... I have NO answer to that one.

Nothing seems appealing to me these days. Truly nothing. There are places I love ... but I love to VISIT them; there are places I have lived, but I don't necessarily want to live there again (there are usually good reasons I left... but just like with break ups sometimes when you get to thinkin' about the fun times... you forget to remember the bad parts). There is one place that recently sparked my interest, Asheville, NC... but I doubt that it's really "the place" for me. In fact I don't know where my "place" is... I just know it's no longer here on this rock. Not right now... 'cause this island is killing me.


(and just for the record... I have ZERO idea as to why the font is all screwy on this post...)