The plan is not to come up with outlandish ones that I am doomed to fail at, but attainable ones that just need a bit of will power & motivation. So... seeing as how I hate the idea of lying, or looking like a chump... I figured if I posted them here that maybe I might find myself feeling a bit more accountable.
So, the first two to put on the list are the stereotypical ones that just about every human (male and female alike) that has ever made new years resolutions puts on a list:
1) quit smoking
2) lose weight/get in better shape
Now, the the thing to remember with saying "My new years resolution is to quit smoking" is that if you have it in your head that you have to quit January 1st... 99% of ya are fucked. You need to look at it like this: "My resolution for the new year is to quit smoking, so as of January 1st (or whatever day you decide your "new year" begins) I have 365 days to try." Personally, I think the odds are waaaay more in one's favor when looked at in that manner. Another thing to keep in mind is something anyone that has ever tried quitting (either successfully or unsucessfully) will tell you, if you do it for any reason other than for yourself, you are doomed to fail. Sure there might be others that contribute to you wanting to quit... but in the end you have to do it for yourself.
Now the really scary one: lose weight/get in better shape. Obviously the easy way is to say "eat better and less, exercise more." Yeah, that's waaaay easier said than done. Don't you think if it really was that simple that everyone would be doing it? This whole country would be filled with the fittest healthiest people ever; instead, we are like totally the fattest nation.
Seriously, I'll eat things that I think taste good, but if I tell someone else about it... they usually make a funny face or an audible "ugh." Example: I like to eat Saltine® crackers with mustard squirted on them (chunks of iceberg lettuce in lieu of Saltines® too.) I have been known to eat SpaghettiOs®... cold, straight out of the can, specifically the ones with tiny "franks" in them. I'm sure there's a ton more, but those are two of the things that stick out in my head as having the funniest reactions from others.
There's also the whole cost thing. Food is freakin' expensive! I don't care if you're buying organic or regular ol' chemically enhanced food. But... I'm sure if someone (i.e. me) is willing to take the time to seek out organic foods, specifically when on sale... and figure out a zillion ways to cook the most inexpensive organic foods... well... yeah, I'm sure I'd make some faster progress. I'm too impatient though. I really DO try to buy all organic things. (Multiple reasons for that, but let's be honest, you know as well as I do that organic IS better for you, no matter what.) I make sure that the things I eat/drink the most are always organic. (Milk, cheese, bread, eggs, butter, certain condiments, the obvious things really...)
The thing is, I'm not gaining any weight. BUT, I'm not losing any either. There are odd periods of time in my life where a bunch of weight drops off, and it (knock on wood!) has not come back, but there's still a bunch more I'd like to see go. I'm not all delusional about it. I don't really have a goal of looking emaciated like a supermodel, I like having some curves. Besides, at my height (5'11")... if I was really skinny... someone might mistake me for a tether ball poll... and one day, there I'd be just standing still and a bunch of punk ass kids would come and attach a ball on a string to my neck as they whack the piss out of the ball in circles around (an inevitably into) my head. Yeah, I'm not down with that. Plus I have a really small chest to begin with, and don't you just know it... that's the first place it becomes apparent that I've lost any weight. Though, just to me. Again, at my height, it's totally not noticeable till I drop a minimum of 20lbs... and even then, it's just me and my belt that know the difference.
digressing aren't I? I do that (in case you haven't noticed...) a lot. Sorry. Back to the list.... Yeah, I'm gonna try to quit smoking this year, but I'm not putting a timetable on it, and I will be doing my very best to eat healthier and try to not turn into Gollum whenever I get my hands on a pack of Strawberry Twizzlers®.
As for resolutions 3 & 4.... I still like the idea of bringing back "real mail." You know, real letters. Letters that need stamps and don't have ".com" anywhere on them. Letters you can send, with no return address on the outside so that the person receiving it not only has the thrill of getting an actual letter in the mail, but the fun of trying to figure out who it's from. So, #3 is going to be me trying to send real mail to multiple people on a much more regular basis.
Resolutions 5 & 6 will be quite simple... #5: leave the island more often. It's really that simple. Just try to leave at least once a month. If it's just for the day, so be it. If it's overnight somewhere... even better! If it's for a few days... AWESOME! Anything that could make me hate this island less would be nice.
#'s 7, 8, 9, & 10 (don't worry, I've only got 10...) will be as follows:
7.) read more... (as if I didn't read enough! ha!... but I have been lax as of late.)
8.) invent a heated bra that is powered by something like watch batteries so my nipples don't need to be checked to see if they are still attached during these freezing cold New England winters.
9.) get serious about landscaping the yard at home, front AND back yard.
10.) stay on top of thing, all things... especially bills and things like oil changes for my car... and most importantly tune ups for me.
So, yeah, THAT is my real list of New Years resolutions... and they will begin on MY new year.. January 12th. I'll be in Seattle visiting one of my favorite people on the planet, David. It's the best way to spend my birthday, 'cause they always SUCK here. I'm very happy about the fact I am going to see David, it's been over 20 years since we have stood face to face... I am, in fact, smiling as I type this.