Thursday, January 7, 2010

Top 10 List For MY New Year

It's a new year, right?... well... technically MY new year starts on my birthday (I don't hold the rights to this idea, so anyone's year can start on their birthday.)  Lucky me (I think), my birthday is next week (January 12th). So... if there are actual "new years resolutions" that I want to make, or attempted to make before midnight Dec. 31st 2009... and have yet to follow through on even thinking about them... I think I'm getting a second chance now. (You like how I just justified the piss outta blowing off the original resolutions? nice eh? )

The plan is not to come up with outlandish ones that I am doomed to fail at, but attainable ones that just need a bit of will power & motivation. So... seeing as how I hate the idea of lying, or looking like a chump... I figured if I posted them here that maybe I might find myself feeling a bit more accountable.

Lets start with the easy (and by "easy" I just mean "obvious") ones first. 'Cause I am well aware that were I to list off something like "1.) have a crazed night of raging-hot-throw-me-around-the-room-sex with Jason Statham" I'm pretty sure I'd be setting myself up for disappointment due to the fact that that'll never happen. (Though just for the record... he is soooo missing out.)

So, the first two to put on the list are the stereotypical ones that just about every human (male and female alike) that has ever made new years resolutions puts on a list:

1) quit smoking
2) lose weight/get in better shape

Now, the the thing to remember with saying "My new years resolution is to quit smoking" is that if you have it in your head that you have to quit January 1st... 99% of ya are fucked. You need to look at it like this: "My resolution for the new year is to quit smoking, so as of January 1st (or whatever day you decide your "new year" begins) I have 365 days to try." Personally, I think the odds are waaaay more in one's favor when looked at in that manner. Another thing to keep in mind is something anyone that has ever tried quitting (either successfully or unsucessfully) will tell you, if you do it for any reason other than for yourself, you are doomed to fail. Sure there might be others that contribute to you wanting to quit... but in the end you have to do it for yourself.

Now the really scary one: lose weight/get in better shape. Obviously the easy way is to say "eat better and less, exercise more." Yeah, that's waaaay easier said than done. Don't you think if it really was that simple that everyone would be doing it? This whole country would be filled with the fittest healthiest people ever; instead, we are like totally the fattest nation.

It's fucking hard to eat healthy for so many. There's a lot to take into consideration. Are you cooking for one? That's pricey and time consuming if you go to the trouble of splitting up foods into individual portions. Are you cooking for others as well? That gets harder... 'cause you know there is always that one person that never wants to eat what you're eating. I remember being a kid and the rule was "if you don't want what your father is having for dinner, make something for yourself." This could be where my love of sandwiches comes from.... though I still say that is due to a midwest upbringing.... but I'm sure it's where my strange palate comes from.

Seriously, I'll eat things that I think taste good, but if I tell someone else about it... they usually make a funny face or an audible "ugh." Example: I like to eat Saltine® crackers with mustard squirted on them (chunks of iceberg lettuce in lieu of Saltines® too.) I have been known to eat SpaghettiOs®... cold, straight out of the can, specifically the ones with tiny "franks" in them. I'm sure there's a ton more, but those are two of the things that stick out in my head as having the funniest reactions from others.

There's also the whole cost thing. Food is freakin' expensive! I don't care if you're buying organic or regular ol' chemically enhanced food. But... I'm sure if someone (i.e. me) is willing to take the time to seek out organic foods, specifically when on sale... and figure out a zillion ways to cook the most inexpensive organic foods... well... yeah, I'm sure I'd make some faster progress. I'm too impatient though. I really DO try to buy all organic things. (Multiple reasons for that, but let's be honest, you know as well as I do that organic IS better for you, no matter what.) I make sure that the things I eat/drink the most are always organic. (Milk, cheese, bread, eggs, butter, certain condiments, the obvious things really...)

Next comes the whole eating it part. I know that "breakfast is the most important meal of the day," but I rarely get hungry till around 2 or 3 in the afternoon... many days not till 5 or 6. Then I'm hungry all night. I make that first healthy meal, then an hour or two later a healthy snack... but I will always end up just saying "fuck it" around 9 or 10pm and eat a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, or eat half a box of wheat thins/triscuits.... or both.

The thing is, I'm not gaining any weight. BUT, I'm not losing any either. There are odd periods of time in my life where a bunch of weight drops off, and it (knock on wood!) has not come back, but there's still a bunch more I'd like to see go. I'm not all delusional about it. I don't really have a goal of looking emaciated like a supermodel, I like having some curves. Besides, at my height (5'11")... if I was really skinny... someone might mistake me for a tether ball poll... and one day, there I'd be just standing still and a bunch of punk ass kids would come and attach a ball on a string to my neck as they whack the piss out of the ball in circles around (an inevitably into) my head. Yeah, I'm not down with that. Plus I have a really small chest to begin with, and don't you just know it... that's the first place it becomes apparent that I've lost any weight. Though, just to me. Again, at my height, it's totally not noticeable till I drop a minimum of 20lbs... and even then, it's just me and my belt that know the difference.

You know what I really want? A kick ass stationary bike. Hell yeah. I love those things! For real, I do. The ones that actually have a seat back though. Basically a recumbent bike. I'd plop that sucker right in front of the tv and pop in a movie and ride along watching the film. There was a gym in Chicago I'd go to with a friend once in a while and they had bikes set up in front of tvs... and on the days that a movie was playing (as opposed to news or sports) I would ride from beginning to end. People are always suggesting I go hiking... but I hate hiking. I don't mind going for a nice walk with a friend somewhere, but ... I don't know, I just don't love it. BUT, when I used to live in New Orleans I would wander all over the French Quarter with a newspaper or a book.... reading it.  Something about the sidewalks and paths I chose to walk along there made it really easy. Not so much here. Maybe that's what I like about the idea of a bike and a movie. I can do two things I like at once, without losing interest in either of them. Maybe I'll put "buy a recumbent bike" on my list of resolutions? It'll have to be waaaay at the end of the list, 'cause if I'm having a hard enough time affording food, a $600+ piece of gym equipment is not really gonna be something I'll be getting any time soon.

I'm kinda digressing aren't I? I do that (in case you haven't noticed...) a lot. Sorry. Back to the list.... Yeah, I'm gonna try to quit smoking this year, but I'm not putting a timetable on it, and I will be doing my very best to eat healthier and try to not turn into Gollum whenever I get my hands on a pack of Strawberry Twizzlers®.

As for resolutions 3 & 4.... I still like the idea of bringing back "real mail." You know, real letters. Letters that need stamps and don't have ".com" anywhere on them. Letters you can send, with no return address on the outside so that the person receiving it not only has the thrill of getting an actual letter in the mail, but the fun of trying to figure out who it's from. So, #3 is going to be me trying to send real mail to multiple people on a much more regular basis.

Resolution #4 is going to be to write more. I know I write a lot, but I need to write more... MUCH more. Not just letters and goofy blog posts (though, they are like warm up exercises for me... ), but to REALLY keep writing. I mean how am I ever going to finish or reedit any of the stories I've written if I am not putting my all into it? There is one story I recently pulled back out of my files that I have started in on again. I remember when I started writing it and the direction I wanted it to go in... only I have changed my mind sooo many times over the past few years that it has taken a bunch of turns. Currently I think I know where I want it to "go"... so I will be spending a bunch of time on that.

Resolutions 5 & 6 will be quite simple... #5: leave the island more often. It's really that simple. Just try to leave at least once a month. If it's just for the day, so be it. If it's overnight somewhere... even better! If it's for a few days... AWESOME! Anything that could make me hate this island less would be nice.

#6? Easy: Out of all the tattoos I have (don't ask "how many?", 'cause I lose track when I try to count them. Let's just say it's over 10.) there is only one I'm not pleased with. Even my skin rejected it. Seriously, it did! Within a week my skin had rejected some of the color... and that has never happened. Normally I'd just consider covering it with something, but it's in a place on my body where I don't want a super obvious tattoo, and to cover it would create that. So, it looks like I'll be checking out laser removal specialists and trying to see what I can do. It's too bad really, 'cause the person that did it is a friend, and a really great guy... but I just don't love it. (I still have yet to tell him that... and I don't think I ever will)

#'s 7, 8, 9, & 10 (don't worry, I've only got 10...) will be as follows:
7.) read more... (as if I didn't read enough! ha!... but I have been lax as of late.)
8.) invent a heated bra that is powered by something like watch batteries so my nipples don't need to be checked to see if they are still attached during these freezing cold New England winters.
9.) get serious about landscaping the yard at home, front AND back yard.
10.) stay on top of thing, all things... especially bills and things like oil changes for my car... and most importantly tune ups for me.

So, yeah, THAT is my real list of New Years resolutions... and they will begin on MY new year.. January 12th. I'll be in Seattle visiting one of my favorite people on the planet, David. It's the best way to spend my birthday, 'cause they always SUCK here. I'm very happy about the fact I am going to see David, it's been over 20 years since we have stood face to face... I am, in fact, smiling as I type this.

No comments:

Post a Comment