I do, however, feel the need to say that 2010 was not a bad year. Sure some stupid shit happened, and yeah, a bunch of good stuff happened too…. but all in all it was not the catastrophic nightmare that 2008 & 2009 were. Those years were HORRIBLE. I made the decision on December 31st 2009 that 2010 would be greeted with zero expectations. My thinking being that if I had no expectations, then I would have no disappointments. I gave it my all.
I told myself that if I found myself disappointed by things there was a good chance it was my own doing. I refused to rely on others for my happiness. I lowered my expectations of everyone & everything, and I took it upon myself to make myself happy. Basically, if you were planning to fuck me over, or totally be a douchebag to me… 2010 was your year! I just shrugged it off 99% of the time. The unlucky few that fell into the .01% slot got the flavor of hate permeating the air around them via me… BUT, for the most part my plan worked …. right up until it didn't. I can't really get into specifics on that right now, but I will say I learned a great deal about myself, as well as others. Admittedly I also learned a bunch of things I wish I hadn't… this'd be the time that the phrase "ignorance is bliss" comes to mind. I will probably always wonder if it would be better if I DIDN'T become aware of certain things, and in a few instances I'll just know it would.
So here I am in 2011 … will I take what I learned in 2010 to attempt to make 2011 even better? Damn skippy! Will I keep my expectations low for all the people around me? Nope. That is something I also learned, see when someone has no (or just low) expectations of you… well, you have no desire to do jack shit. I had some friends that fell under that category (key word: HAD). It sucks to learn things the hard way, but in doing so the lesson sticks.
I'm taking it up a notch in 2011. I am going to be holding people to their word, and not letting them get away with crap like "I'm sorry, but…" or "I know I said
Yeah, in 2011 I am going to expect the people I care about to stick to their word, yet I will also try to not get my hopes up beyond what is reasonable. It kinda sounds sad though doesn't it? Funny how a person (i.e. me) can be vastly aware of their own issues with the inability to trust/believe … and yet still do everything in their power to persevere with it. Why it's downright wacky I tell ya! Amazing what one does in the name of self preservation, isn't it?