Self Preservation

I subscribe to A LOT of blogs, and I enjoy reading each and every one of them, some more than others (you know I am totally talking about loving YOUR blog the most, right? *wink wink*)….. but I have been made acutely aware that if I am not either a) reminiscing about 2010 and the good/bad parts, b) making a list of resolutions for 2011, or c) talking about my period … then I'm doing something wrong. Sooo not kidding about the period thing. For real. 29 out of 38 blogs written by just women that I subscribe to have a blog post from this past week that has been about periods, getting your period, having your period, missing your period, waitin' on your period, the fact men don't understand much (if anything) about your period, guest posts about periods, hatin' on periods, and a bunch of other period related topics. I have no interest in talking about my period, your period, or anyone else's zombie vagina festival… not today at least. (Though I am starting to wonder if it's possible to be in sync with other bloggers, & since parts of the world of science always seems to be doing REALLY retarded research on the oddest topics, maybe they could explore that one?)

I do, however, feel the need to say that 2010 was not a bad year. Sure some stupid shit happened, and yeah, a bunch of good stuff happened too…. but all in all it was not the catastrophic nightmare that 2008 & 2009 were. Those years were HORRIBLE. I made the decision on December 31st 2009 that 2010 would be greeted with zero expectations. My thinking being that if I had no expectations, then I would have no disappointments. I gave it my all.

I told myself that if I found myself disappointed by things there was a good chance it was my own doing. I refused to rely on others for my happiness. I lowered my expectations of everyone & everything, and I took it upon myself to make myself happy. Basically, if you were planning to fuck me over, or totally be a douchebag to me… 2010 was your year! I just shrugged it off 99% of the time. The unlucky few that fell into the .01% slot got the flavor of hate permeating the air around them via me… BUT, for the most part my plan worked …. right up until it didn't. I can't really get into specifics on that right now, but I will say I learned a great deal about myself, as well as others. Admittedly I also learned a bunch of things I wish I hadn't… this'd be the time that the phrase "ignorance is bliss" comes to mind. I will probably always wonder if it would be better if I DIDN'T become aware of certain things, and in a few instances I'll just know it would.

So here I am in 2011 … will I take what I learned in 2010 to attempt to make 2011 even better? Damn skippy!  Will I keep my expectations low for all the people around me? Nope. That is something I also learned, see when someone has no (or just low) expectations of you… well, you have no desire to do jack shit. I had some friends that fell under that category (key word: HAD). It sucks to learn things the hard way, but in doing so the lesson sticks.

I'm taking it up a notch in 2011. I am going to be holding people to their word, and not letting them get away with crap like "I'm sorry, but…" or "I know I said , but…" , in fact the majority of the time the word "but" is heard by me I would really appreciate it if it was bookended by the words "your" & "is cute." (well, plus the extra "t"…'cept one doesn't check for typos/misspellings when speaking do they? That'd be weird.)

Yeah, in 2011 I am going to expect the people I care about to stick to their word, yet I will also try to not get my hopes up beyond what is reasonable. It kinda sounds sad though doesn't it? Funny how a person (i.e. me) can be vastly aware of their own issues with the inability to trust/believe … and yet still do everything in their power to persevere with it. Why it's downright wacky I tell ya!  Amazing what one does in the name of self preservation, isn't it?