Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Eat Me

You know those nights (or days) when you're just craving something sweet... something almost like a bread pudding? Remember how many times you've looked at the nutritional info for things and thought "damn!" and instead denied yourself what it was you wanted? Wouldn't it be awesome if you could have your "cake" (or bread pudding) and eat it too... without regrets?

You can! I am on the cusp of zombie vag week (*dear men reading this- seriously, get over it. This shit happens monthly- learn it) and my craving for something bread-y and sweet is rather overwhelming.. luckily I know exactly how to fix that, and fill me up, AND still stick to following Paleo (yes, I am still following Paleo)... so here's what you should try... 'cause this shit is good!

  • grab a bowl that is microwaveable
  • take two eggs (preferably local & organic)
  • crack them into the bowl, the add a couple shakes of organic cinnamon 
  •  add like 2 packets of Splenda® or Truvia® (preferably Truvia® for health reasons)
  • put in the microwave for like 2 minutes

  • pull out of microwave, and dribble like 2 to 4 tblsp of Almond milk on it

you can mush up a banana first (helps to do it first) then add the other stuff
OR.. maybe some diced up apple....

I like to sprinkle some cold fresh blueberries on top, in fact I think that is my favorite.

You can totally leave out the fruit.. but try to still use the berries they rule! It's so ridiculously low carb/low sugar/low everything that you kinda want to laugh at how yummy it actually is. Not kidding. The whipped eggs and cinnamon totally poof up into a bread-y/soufflé like consistency. It's weird and awesome all at once. You can tweak this however you like it... but for some sugar/sweetner packets, two eggs, & cinnamon... it's a helluva quick fix. I just add the almond milk (since I don't use regular milk anymore) so it's more bread pudding-ish. I also know that if I stir the pants off it once it's cooked, then add the almond milk & berries it kinda like porridge.

Ok, that's all. I hope someone was able to use this (or even some of this) to make something yummy. I hate it when every recipe out there makes a person feel like they must have gourmet everything, and like need to go freakin' harvest shit under a full moon or a soufflé will fall flat or somethin'. I like fast, easy, & inexpensive, just as much as I like things to be healthy and good for me.

If you're one of those people that needs to know the nutritional value of everything, it breaks down like this:

2 eggs: 140 calories, 1.5g fat, 1g carbs, 6g protein
tsp (approx) cinnamon: 6 calories, 0 fat, 2 carbs, 0 protein

the fruit:
1 small banana (like about 6" long): 89 calories, .33g fat, 23 carbs, 1.1g protein
1/2 cup chopped red apple: 33 calories, .11 fat, 8.6 carbs, .16 protein

1/4 cup blueberries: 21 calories, .01g fat, 5.3 carbs, .27 protein

Almond milk
4 tblsp Almond Milk: 15 calories, 0 fat, 1g carb, 0 protein



Tuesday, March 29, 2011

That's What She Said

A friend of mine shared this earlier today... and while I am not one of those "OMG look at the babies!" women... I could not stop laughing at this. Kinda felt I needed to share it with everyone... and possibly see if any of you speak this wacky lil' language. I realize it's no "Nell" *tay in da win*... but they are clearly discussing something of the utmost importance.

Anyone have a guess?

Oh, But There's More!

I've been repeatedly told by a few people (yes, SBW, I listened) that I needed to post a "follow up" to this blog post (it's okay.. go read it, I'll wait.... it won't take you long, it's like a paragraph long at best.)

So.. this past winter when that conversation was mentioned.. one of the people who was actually the person working for Blacks back then had this to say:
Absolutely Click To Enlarge!

Don't you just love it when things not only continue to be funny... but get funnier? :)

*note* on the off chance someone is daft enough to cry racism or tell me that none of this is funny... you A)have ZERO sense of humor and have taken ALL of this out of context & B) should go away, now.

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Fence Sex

for real!!
I made it back from New Orleans yesterday fairly unscathed, with the exception of feet so swollen that looking at them honestly makes me want to cry. I've never had this happen before, but I've also never traveled so tired and dehydrated before in my life. I'm more than a little grateful that I was wearing flip flops & jeans (to cover the impromptu cankles that appeared due to swollen feet), 'cause regular shoes would NOT have fit. Yeah, THAT swollen.

HOWEVER, the time in New Orleans was fantastic! Warm weather every day, flip flops & tank tops, cool breezes to help with the heat, an amazing wedding that had everyone laughing and having a good time...
the happy Mr & Mrs ♥
 ...and I even ate alligator!! (It was AMAZING!)

The entire weekend was a dream.... right up until Monday when my friend Graham & I (& his girlfriend Sasha who is amazing) decided that the sunny warm day should be spent exploring St Roch cemetery.
 First thing that caught my eye was this row that I avoided like the plague... who knows what could have happened!? Imagine the blog post nine months from now: Jeebus Is Back!  (No. Just NO.)
After a few minutes of wandering around I came across this:
...and as I drew closer I began to giggle at memories of college and what a few friends and I insisted on doing every time we stood next to a specific painting at the Art Institute of Chicago. I rounded the corner and sought out Graham and his girlfriend Sasha to try to rope them into playing along... which they thankfully did.
♫♪♪♪♫♫ "It's fun to stay at the......" ♫♪♫♪♫
C'mon... you know Jeebus has gotta have a sense of humor! He's supposed to love everyone, so that has gotta include "The Village People"... right?

Anyway... we all wandered around taking pictures. St Roch really is a beautiful cemetery, with an interesting history. Apparently St Roch was a man born (with a red cross on his chest- trust me, this is an important bit of the story) in France in the 1290's whose parents died when he was in his 20's. His father was the governor of the town, so when his father died Roche inherited the position, but then ceded it to his Uncle, and after giving away all his wordly possessions, split town and went to go try to help the poor in Rome. The story goes that along the way he stopped in a town that had been hit by the plague, and that every sick person he touched was healed. Allegedly everywhere he went everyone was healed. That's a pretty bad ass talent if you ask me.
However, one day HE got sick, and not wanting to be a burden to anyone, he wandered off into the woods to die. Supposedly a dog found him there and licked his wounds (eweee!!) and would bring him bread everyday, eventually bringing him back to good health.
St Roch returned to France, but the story goes that he refused to identify himself... which landed his ass in jail 'cause people thought he was a spy. For 5 years he and his BFF (the dog) would take care of, and heal, prisoners... then died. Upon his death the red cross on his chest was revealed, and documents that had been in his pockets disclosed who he really was. (Guess the prison system was different in the early 1300's...)
100 years later he was canonized and is the saint of dogs and dog lovers. He even has a "feast day" on August 16. (Man, I want a feast day! I think cupcakes should be the official holiday food for "Me Day!")
When New Orleans was plagued with the yellow fever epidemic in 1868, a dude named Father Peter Leonard Thevis, who was a pastor of the Holy Trinity Catholic Church, remembered St. Roch had cured people during the plague, so he and his peeps prayed to the saint for help and promised to build a chapel to St. Roch if they all made it through unscathed. No one in the congregation died of yellow fever, so Thevis made good on his promise and built a shrine, as well as a cemetery.
On the altar of the chapel is a statue of St. Roch and his dog. The shrine is where people (believers) have have left crutches and other items claiming miraculous cures through the powers of St. Roch. (btw...Father Thevis is buried under the floor in front of the altar.)
There's also an old tradition where young girls would make a pilgrimage to St Roch Chapel on Good Friday (which is right before Easter- when we gorge on Easter candy because it's unavoidable... you think St Roch can un-upset my tummy) These girls believed that if you prayed and left a donation at 9 different churches (the 9th one being St Roch) during the pilgrimage they'd be guaranteed to find a husband within a year. These girls also picked four leaf clovers that had red spots on them, 'cause supposedly the spots came from the blood of a bride-to-be- who committed suicide on the grave of her intended husband and splattered blood everywhere. (uh...again...eweeee!)
This was the best picture I could get of it since the doors were locked, but you can check out this link if you want more details about the weird limbs and things left behind at the shrine:
The place was very peaceful (I'd hope so!), with the only exception being some weird guy down the street that had super cheesy music blaring from his front porch. I did take a whole mess of pictures though.
....(click to enlarge if you want to see 'um bigger)
weird image of a ghostie? hmmm?
any takers?
I loved how "80's" this wall looked in comparison to the rest of the place, & upon closer inspection found out that is when all these people died.
....and at exactly 4:29pm I turned to Graham and Sasha and asked them when the gates were supposed to close (answer: 4:30pm), and 'what time [was] it?' ... yeah, we made a mad dash for the gate... and found out we had been locked into St Roch. (!!!!!) I love a good Anne Rice novel about sexy New Orleans vampires as much as the next person, but I really have no interest in meeting one. Mind you, this was not my 9th church/graveyard of the day, nor did I bring any creepy 4 leaf clovers with red dots on them... and after having to climb atop some massive marble mausoleums to get barely enough height to scale the over 8' tall wrought iron fence that enclosed St Roch...  I did not end up with a husband... but I did almost have unprotected, non-consensual sex with a fence. Go me!

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Am I There Yet?

This island I live on is making things downright impossible! I have a 1pm flight out of Boston on Thursday (that'd be today since I'm post dating this post)... and you know what I have to do to get there? I'll tell you... off I go:

  • wake up around 5:30am (which means I'm just gonna wait and sleep on the plane)
  • leave for the ferry boat about 6:30am
  • take the 7am ferry
  • arrive on the mainland at 7:45am
  • take the 8am bus to Logan airport
  • arrive at Logan around 10am and sit on my ass waiting for the 1pm flight
  • board flight
  • arrive in Houston, TX
  • switch to next flight in under 30 minutes
  • arrive in New Orleans around 6pm
  • meet up with my friend Graham so we can go back to his place and drop off my stuff
  • try not to drink so much that I vomit... what? it IS St. Paddy's, and I will be in New Orleans....
(Holy Sucktastically Long Travel Day Batman!)

I'll have all day Friday to recoup, and try to get any last minute stuff from the stores near Graham's place. I'm leaving the majority of toiletries here to save room and make sure I have just one small carry on bag, all I really need is the dress & shoes I'm wearing on Saturday. Seriously, a change of clothes is like all I need. If I need a t-shirt or somethin' I will borrow one from Graham. Though... I am kinda excited to wear this one dress I bought last year that has yet to see light of day. So, ok.. the outfit I'm wearing to the wedding AND the other dress I am dying to wear.
this'd be the dress for the wedding
and the shoes... like you care haha!

Graham conveniently lives in the Garden District in an area called "Black Pearl"... and yes I am always on the look out for pirates when I wander up to St. Charles to catch the trolly into the French Quarter. (I have yet to see one, but that DOES NOT mean they aren't there!) I'm not overly afraid, Graham is like 6'6 and while he convinced me to look all "goth-y" last time I was down there.... he is the real deal...and I can't imagine any pirates would want to do anything other than run away screaming. Stupid pirates.
Me & Graham lookin' all gothtastic last April in N.O

Graham is the bass player for 'Suicide Assyst'
He's also one of my favorite human beings with a true heart of gold. The older I get, the more I realize how rare that is. Everyone should be lucky enough to have a friend like Graham in their life.

Brandi & her daughter Hannah
On Saturday my ex fiance (Brett) who is, bar none the best ex fiance a girl could ever hope to have, (seriously, he rules! ) is driving across lake Pontchartrain causeway to pick my ass up and take me over to Mandeville for his sister Brandi's wedding. She is the reason I'm going down there. I adore that girl, and I think I will always consider her my sister... and her daughter Hannah is, for all intents and purposes, my niece. I'm sure my ex's wife still hates me, and hates the fact that I am still close to his family, but I am sick of trying to go out of my way to help her understand that I have no interest in being "with" my ex. We broke up for a reason, that reason being we were never meant to be anything more than the very best of friends, anything beyond that was just stupid wishful thinking on our part. Wishful thinking that lasted 5 years, over TEN years ago.
Brett & Brandi

Last time I was down there Brandi & I were walking along the riverwalk and sorta fell back from the group so we could have a lil' "one on one" convo... and as she slowed her gait she looked at me and said in that sweet southern accent of hers....

"Damnit Gill-yin, you were supposed to be my sister."

I linked my arm into hers and said .....

"What makes you think I'm NOT?"

Yeah, I love that girl, and watching her get married this weekend is going to be the cherry on top of all the awesomeness that has taken place so far.
Brandi & her soon to be hubby Don

When I stop to think about all that has transpired since January 1st... my brain sorta turns to pudding.... I still can't believe I experienced it all, thank jeebus I take a zillion pictures!

My year so far:
it's not even Spring yet!... Man, 2011 is lookin' pretty good!

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

More Fun With Spam

So there I was signing into my email account.... and what should appear??!
A personal letter just for me?!


(click to enlarge)
"hey stranger your pictures are really hott[sic]"

 Me? Lil' ol me?! You think MY pictures are hot?!
(they think I'm hawwwwt, they think I'm hawwwwtt!)

"seen you on that site"

Um... time out... what site?

"Im a 24 year old..."

Wait a minute, you're 24.....?


and you're female?


"just looking for some fun..."

But you did say you were just looking for fun, right?... I can be fun! I like fun!

"add me and send me a line go to MSN or yahoo messengier[sic]..."

Um... the whole finding you on MSN or yahoo messengier [sic] is kinda strange....

"lets talk further in private please"

I really don't think I want to talk to you "in private" Ms.Madison20rango, you're kinda off putting you know....

In fact, come to think of it, I'd really like it if you'd stop writing to me all together.
Thanks- GG

If you write to me again....

Monday, March 14, 2011

And You Are.....?

My first & middle name actually start with a "G" ... so signing anything "GG" makes sense already, but less than a year ago the man I no longer know what to call, (... BF? X-BF?Sorta BF? ... I'll call him SBW... 'cause that's his name on his blog, ok?... anyway...)  after much conversation, told me that I needed a nickname, and I said "I like my name as it is, so thanks, but no." He then proceeded to tell me that I had no say in the matter since among his friends everyone had, or ended up with, a nickname. Most had no say in what theirs were, so getting one was inevitable. (I didn't fully believe him till I started hearing some of the things they call each other.)

As time went by he kept calling me his "goofy girl"... 'cause I'll admit it, I'm slightly silly at times (read: most of the time), and eventually he'd just greet me:"Hey Goofy." It became a term of endearment that I was never honestly bothered by. Though I did find it funny that before his best friend ("The Northern Monkey") had met me SBW had referred to me as "Goofy" so often that TNM could never seem to remember my actual name.  I changed my name on this blog because it was just easier when SBW would refer to me on his blog, and I'd comment, so it didn't look like some weird love triangle. Not even sure if all that just made sense, but it is the story of why my name here is "Goofy Girl".... but the reality is (& if you plow back through my blog further than last spring you'd see) ..........

My name is Gillian.

  Most can't seem to wrap their heads around that simple fact.

And here is what I have to say to them.....

yes, this is me :)
My name is Gillian.
My name is Gillian.
My name is Gillian.

As a child, as most of you know/remember, if your name is mispronounced-especially by a teacher- and other peers hear it... you're pretty much fucked if the mispronunciation is even remotely funny.
I had to deal with YEARS of people pronouncing my name with a hard G... to which I still reply ""G" followed by "i"... think about it, do you call them Guh-raffes as well?" (i.e. giraffes)
So, what did I do? I changed the spelling. The change wasn't legally done or anything, I just started spelling it with a "J" in hopes that people would get it. THEN you know what happened? People just went ahead and started shortening it to "Jill." I HATE THE NAME "JILL", I HAVE ALWAYS HATED THE NAME "JILL", AND I ALWAYS WILL HATE THE NAME "JILL."(for me, if it's someone else's name-that's just peachy)... but as a kid I didn't know that I had the right to tell people, especially adults, that I didn't like it... so I was stuck with it....... until I moved to Scotland a few years ago.

In Scotland people automatically spelled my name "Gillian"... they never called me "Jill". After living there for about 6 months and then having to come back to the States... I put my foot down, I corrected EVERYONE... yet some people still can't seem to get it through their heads.

So... in short...

My name is Gillian.
It is spelled G...I ...L ...L ...I ...A ...N
Neither my first, middle, or last name has a "J" in it.

I do NOT like the name "Jill" & I do not respond well to people being ignorant about this. If I am introduced to someone named "Elizabeth"... I do not, nor would I ever, have the audacity to just call her "Lizzy" or "Beth" unless A.) they told me to go on and do so, or B.) I asked first.
So, no need to ask... I am not Jill/Jil/Gill/Gil ... my name is Gillian.

"Would you please fucking learn it?!" I tell them... alas... so many still don't. That's where I give them the "3 chances" rule. 1st time they do it, I ask them politely not to call me that... 2nd time I remind them that it really bothers me and I'd appreciate it if they'd stop... 3rd time? I stop speaking to them all together. (Not even kidding.)

My only exception to the rule is if it's someone that is either a) significantly older than me AND they've known me pretty much my whole life, or b) has brain damage. If it's BOTH? Well, they can call me anything they want.... but shouldn't be surprised when I don't respond.

ps. "gilly" doesn't make me crazy, and I've grown oddly accustomed to "goofy." ;-p

pps.  FYI anyone that is thinking of referring to me as Jill/Jil/Gill/Gil in the comments is about as original and funny as the people that think they are the cleverest person in the world and the first ever to say "Woah! Where's the saddle?!" or "Is that a horse?" when they see me out with the dog.

..... just sayin'....
She is lovely though isn't she? ♥

Friday, March 11, 2011

Food Porn

So.... I'm still following Paleo, and I have been REALLY good about it. My friend Amanda (the one who I give the majority of credit to for turning me onto it) still drinks some cream in her coffee and some cheese here or there (she calls it being "lacto-paleo"), so I use full fat whipping cream in my tea now (!!!! crazy, I know).... but other than two small slices of organic raw cheddar a few weeks ago, I haven't eaten cheese in over a month now. (I'm sure if  Cake Betch is reading this, she's staring at the screen fully convinced I'm a full fledged lunatic, or a pod person.)

My Mama & her hubby ♥
Changing my diet to strict Paleo wasn't as hard as I had imagined it would be, in fact other than being much pricier than I can honestly handle these days, it's been fun. I'm finding ways to cut prices/costs by signing up for discount cards, looking for coupons, and perusing the internet like a mad woman for deals. I'm also begging my Mother (who lives off the island for the better part of each month now with her new hubby ♥) to stop off at Trader Joe's &/or Whole Foods to see if she can find deals on specific items (which she thankfully has!) and bring them back with her when she comes to the island each month.

I've been so into cooking new things that I started taking pictures of a lot of the meals I was cooking after a while. I even have an album up on my facebook page dedicated to it called "Food Porn." Here are some recent ones:

free range organic chicken in a sauce of almond butter, coconut milk, & diced up hot peppers, on a bed of fresh mixed greens.
a whole red onion sauteed in coconut oil with red & green peppers, and small red & yellow sweet peppers, with free range eggs.
wheat free spinach "muffins" (spinach, onions, garlic, sweet peppers, red pepper, egg, and seasoning), and some sliced up grass fed organic medium rare porterhouse steak.

free range chicken mixed with organic wasabi mayo & plain organic mayo (made with walnut oil), atop a bed of fresh greens, vine ripened cocktail tomatoes, and lightly toasted pine nuts.
wheat & gluten free "pancakes", scrambled eggs with red pepper, asparagus, and some sweet peppers.

(paleo pancakes (my version ) are made with 4 tbsp coconut flour, 2 tsp coconut milk, 1 egg white, 1/8 cup almond milk, 1/4 tsp raw honey, and a VERY small dash of sea salt)... the tiny bit of Irish butter I put on them was unnecessary, so I wiped it off after I took the picture... oh.. and they were cooked in coconut oil too, all of it was.
caramelized onions cooked in walnut oil with red peppers, fresh spinach and then baked with 10 eggs (yeah, the pan is THAT big- it sliced up into 8 pieces the size of average pizza slices), with herbes de provence that I brought back from Paris....btw, was gonna add bacon, but this was so good w/out it that I didn't need to. Will put some in next time just ... well... because I can!
"yummy yummy yummy I got love in my tummy......"
fresh brussel sprouts steamed then lightly sauteed with organic nitrate free bacon and sprinkled with toasted sesame seeds. THAT is a yummy side dish :)

(who the hell would have thought I would ever cook, let alone EAT & enjoy brussel sprouts?! Weird)
veggie fed organic chicken marinated and baked in a mixture of olive oil & walnut oil (1part oo/2 part wo), & herbes de provence (and red onion cut up and put the pan in while it cooked)... and a side of fresh green beans, mushrooms, sweet peppers, and garlic sauteed in a small bit of ghee, and some walnut oil.
I just gotta say... HOLY SHIT THIS WAS YUMMY!!
So, anyone wanna try to tell me they couldn't eat this way? That they think it's limiting? That there aren't enough options? Know what I ate for breakfast today? Spicy andouille sausage (obviously organic & nitrate free, as if I needed to keep repeating that), with  local farm fresh eggs on a bed of fresh spinach. It was more than a little wonderful.

I have lost weight, not a ton, but... again, that is not why I switched to eating this way. (Totally 110% A-OK with that side effect though!) I might even try to find a working scale and see what the numbers tell me, though, just for the record, I trust a tape measure waaaay more than a scale. (Plus it's ZV week... so I'm feelin' all bloated- 'cause no change of diet can take away that oh-so-lovely aspect of being female- & if you don't know what I mean by "ZV week"... um.... it rhymes with Rombie Ragina, ok?) It's been just over a month since I started, and I haven't cheated (i.e. I haven't eaten any bread, legumes (outside of the green beans which are considered acceptable), glucose, sugar etc... My skin is practically glowing these days, my hair (even though, yes, it's over processed with bright fuchsia streaks in it... which I'd like to say I always seem to type as "steaks" by accident... much like now only I caught it in time...) has been feeling so soft and healthy. My nails aren't chipping/peeling like they usually do in the winter. "Other" things are still very regular (yes, I'm talking about poop) and there have been no issues. Not that there ever really were any, but it's pretty much a guarentee now that there won't be any, so that's nice. (Y'all, I just totally told you about my poop... this means I love and trust you, you should feel honored.) I fall asleep faster, which I have not been able to do in about 30 years since childhood. I wake up no longer feeling groggy. I get urges in the middle of the day to just go do stuff... like anything... except walk the dog. She's been pissing me off lately so I pretend I don't see/hear her. It's a standoff at this point. What? She's the size of a human at 130lbs and almost as tall as me (I'm 5'11) on her hind legs. I'm being totally reasonable.

Basically I just wanted to say that I could not possibly recommend  Paleo more than I already do, but I am also trying SO hard to not be all preachy about it. Today at the grocery store I was looking at the Greek yogurts and trying to find just a regular ol' Greek yogurt, full fat, no "flavorings", and this guy walks up next to me and says "which one of these are good?"
I asked him "good for you? or just taste yummy?"
He said "what do you mean? isn't yogurt good for you?"
I told him "it can be, but all this crap is fat free/low fat stuff pumped with chemicals"
He says "yeah, but fat will make you fat."
I actually laughed and said "you know, up until recently I actually believed that myself, till I did some research."
"Well, I don't need low fat really" he tells me (& one look at him would tell anyone that what he actually needed was a haircut, a shower, a person that loved him enough to say "please don't wear those nasty sweat pants out of the house!", and some nutrition to fill out his bordering on anorexic frame.)
I just smiled and said "That Key Lime flavored one used to be one of my favorites, you might like that" and walked away to go buy some bison meat.

Yup, BISON! I  just had it for the first time EVER the other day, and now it is pretty much the yummiest meat I've ever had (other than duck). If only it didn't cost $10.29 per pound (I know)... maybe that's why it tastes so good? Still though, for that price, it should cook itself and do the dishes.

and just for fun...and totally off topic...'cause that's how I roll.... if you ever wondered what Dr. Suess books were REALLY about... here is your answer.