One year ago today, early in the morning.... my world and all that I knew changed.
I've used an analogy, among friends, to liken it to that moment in childhood when you are first told that Santa Claus isn't real. It messes with your perception. Everything shifts. It's not a cloudier, or even clearer view... just a different one. Sadly... it's also a harsher one.
You can never get the old view back. In fact, you will no longer remember what it was truly like to view the world the way you once did... but you will always know that once upon a time... the view was different.... and you will eternally hunger for a way to get it back. It's a lost cause. It doesn't come back.
All you can do is accept the view for what it is, make the very best and most of it that you can, and now that you know how abruptly (and often times horribly) things can change w/out warning... you prepare yourself... or at least try to. Though no one ever tells you that you can't ever prepare for those moments. So, I am telling you now... preparation is futile.
You can build walls, you can put up barricades, you can arm yourself with every possible weapon... but they won't stop it.
Change will happen. Bad thing will happen, and good things will appear without warning as well. Completely mind boggling bullshit will happen.... and outstanding moments of unsolicited kindness will arise out of an abyss of darkness where you didn't know light could flourish. Hearts will be broken by people you never suspected, and they will be mended by those that you least expected. There is no map, no secret.
There is also no timetable you must adhere to for acceptance of change. If it takes you an hour... well.. it takes an hour. If it takes a year... then it takes a year. Anyone that tries to hold you to their own personal view of what they think is right is NOT helping. That said... prepare yourself for this one thing: you will lose people. You will lose some of those you thought of as trusted friends. Some people just aren't able to "be there" for others in certain capacities. That will need to be accepted too. Don't allow yourself to hold onto anger over that. Consider it a blessing in disguise... the weeding out of people that are no good for you was done by the weeds themselves.
Those that stick by you, those that come out of the woodwork and shock you with their ability to care.. those are the ones you need to hang onto for dear life. They are every nail, screw, nut, and bolt that hold the house that is you together. Never miss a moment to let them know how much you love them, because moments like that will not always be around... and too many people can attest to the regret of feeling they never told somebody how much they loved them, until it was too late.
I am not a fan of regret (who is, really?) so while some friends may think I am overly sentimental at times... or I make them blush with a random compliment and verbal accolades..... they should know that it's never lip service. I will not say something I don't want to say.
That said... here is one last thing I want to say:
The view has changed... and it is constantly changing... but from where I stand today...... the view last year has been obstructed by things much more beautiful than I could have ever imagined before. So, you see... sometimes a change in view... even when it hurts at first... once accepted....is more than a little exceptional.